You Haven't Lost Me Yet
by grayribbon
Summary: He was a king. Usually nobility kept their words, but when people say for better or for worse, they imagined it would be for the better. On hiatus!
1. Chapter 1

You Haven't Lost Me Yet

Chapter 1

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Disclaimer : I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot.

* * *

It was a fine morning in Narnia, and a joyous one at that. It couldn't have been more than 7 o'clock when the sun hit Susan's face through the see-through canopy of her bed. Her window was opened for her, and there stood Lucy, dressed in the green dress of her choice, hair loose on her back, and fascinatingly braided with bits of gold fabric on it. The silver crown was seen on top of her head, resting on the fine coil of her hair. Lucy was 17 now, and she was a fine young women. She busied herself opening Susan's curtains that she did not notice her sister waking up.

"You're up!" she exclaimed, the grin on her face said her feelings. Lucy sat on Susan's bedside and caressed her sister's hair as she smiled.  
"I see that you are much up-er than I am," Susan replied, sitting up and resting herself on the pillow behind her.  
"I had to wake you up, you know. How was your sleep?"  
"How did you think?" Susan looked down to her knee which was bended in front of her body. She trembled a bit and Lucy noticed that, the smile on her face wider.  
"Are you excited?" Lucy put her hands on her lap.

"Excited doesn't even begin to cover it," Susan said as she brushed her hair back with her hand. At her sister's words, Lucy looked at her and smiled even wider.  
"Well let's hope the circle under your eyes will not worsen with the sunlight,"  
"And you'll help me?"

"That's a completely rhetorical question, Susan," Lucy walked over to the bathroom and Susan followed her. A few of her ladies in waiting helped also; coming in to Susan's room a few minutes later, just as Lucy was finished drawing Susan's bath. The water smelled like sunlight and dried linens, so summery. A few heads of flowers floated on it, and the water itself was cold. Some would think this is torture; having a cold bath in the morning, but Susan herself had requested this; she wanted to freshen herself up today. Today, out of all days.

She took off her robe and dipped in the water with the thin white fabric on. She shuddered at the coldness; cool enough to make her jump but not numbingly so. She took little handfuls of water and splashed them over her face. Lucy handed her the peony soap she liked. She used it to wash herself, her body, and her face particularly. And when she's done rubbing them on, she splashed the cool, exquisite water, cleaning everything, leaving her face clean and not the usual oily you have when you just woke up. She cleaned herself thoroughly and then she washed her hair, Lucy holding out a small tub for the rinsing water so that her bath water doesn't become too dirty for her to sit on. The shampoo smelled of summer floral, and Susan sat in the water, dipping herself in the scented tub. After rinsing her hair and her body, Susan stood up and Lucy wrapped a thick, ivory towel around her as she got out of the tub. The rest of the morning was gone through with the rest of the preparations; she and Lucy often laughed with the rest of their ladies-in-waiting, made silly jokes about the particular condition Susan will be on, and laughed more. But deep in her heart, Susan knew she was nervous. Apart from that, happy, more than anything.

Caspian was already awaken since the sun rose this morning. He went through breakfast starting out alone, and his morning was spent in smiles. The entire castle was preparing for the grand celebration, even Trumpkin and Reepicheep was actually looking hyper. After he finished eating, Caspian walked up to the throne room and met with some of the lords there.

"Good morning," he said as he walked in.  
"Your majesty," one of them said as they all stood up from their seats.  
"Pardon us, your majesty, we were not aware that you will be present today," one of them spoke up.

Caspian paused his stare onto the documents laid out. "Why is that, Lord Trin?"

The Lord Trin was opening his mouth to answer although it was formed in a smile, but it was not he who answered.

"Because today, out of all days you should be freed from these matters,"  
Caspian turned around to see who it was, although from the voice alone he was aware.

"High king Peter, King Edmund," the lords bowed down.  
"You know I must do this, even today," Caspian said to the both of them, a smile on his face.  
"And you know that Edmund and I are capable of managing for one day without you,"

"Well now that you're here, how about we settle this quickly so that Caspian can ready himself?"  
"Let's," Peter said as they moved forward to their thrones. They sat on the problems, giving solutions and judging matters, non-stop arguments in their own heads on how they can make everything better. They sat there in the throne room for no more than an hour, as the Narnians do not need very much counseling for today, and they know that today is a time of joy; time of celebration.  
Once they're done, the three of them walked together to the chambers, to ready themselves. Edmund walked ahead, giving the time he knew Peter wanted.

Caspian and the high king walked together, side by side in a moderately slow pace, giving smiles and nods to the occasional bow they got when someone passed them. It was rather silent and even through all that they've been through together, Caspian felt something different.

"How are you, Caspian?" he said, hands behind him.  
"I am good, yourself?" he replied, also with his hands behind him.  
"I will be, once I've got this sorted out,"  
Caspian looked at Peter and expected something out of him. He wasn't sure what he expected; good or bad, but he waited for him to say something with a grin on his face. He half-knew and had predicted that the time for this will come. And he was pretty sure the talk would be happening now.

"What?"

Peter paused a bit before he said this, almost shrugging. "Today is a time of joy, I am sure you know of it,"  
Caspian smiled and looked to the floor. "Indeed. The happiest in my life,"

"Well I am glad to hear of that," Peter continued. "Take good care of my sister, Caspian. Like I know you would,"

Caspian looked at him for a moment and answered. "Of course," he continued, "As I would myself," Caspian smiled and Peter smiled too. Both of them knew that Caspian wouldn't do horrid things to anyone innocent, let alone to Susan. Even if the Telmarines were a bit heartless –as the badgers call them-, Peter knew Caspian was different. And Caspian was aware of this fact, too, and never had the intention to change for the worse.

"Then I give you my blessing," as they reached their chambers.

Peter and Caspian went into their own rooms and got ready, Peter took a bath and so did Caspian, whereas Peter wore his sky-blue shirt with a navy blue doublet, decorated with tiny floral motives of gold and brown breeches, Rhindon on his hips. Edmund, on the other room, was finished bathing and had put on his light-red shirt and maroon doublet, with embroideries of also small flowers in silver. He had on dark brown breeches and his sword also stood guard at his hips. Edmund also had his crown on, and after seeing to things, he went up to Caspian's room.

Caspian turned his head at the knock on his door.

"Caspian?"  
"Come in," he said.

Caspian was sitting at his desk, hair loose and he had his crown on. He was in an ivory tunic, off-white. He was clean, already bathed, and all ready.

"Edmund," he greeted the king with a smile, "What brings you here? It is not yet time," he said as he stood up.  
"I know Peter's had his talk with you," he paused. "But I too, am Susan's brother so I feel like this is the way for it," he paused again, and Caspian smiled his crooked smile.

"She is my sister," there was a silence. "And I trust you enough to know that you won't jeopardize her but if you do, she is my sister," another pause. "And that explains how much of myself I am willing to sacrifice, doing to you what you did to her,"  
Edmund's tone did not stay calm as his body did. He was almost fidgeting, and Caspian bowed down.  
"I am aware of that, my king. And now I am happy to tell you that I will do what I can to give her the happiness she deserves,"  
Edmund looked at the floor and it seemed like he was finally breathing again. He smiled.

"Good man," the tone reminded him of how his mother once said it to Peter. "And for that I give you my blessing as well."  
"Thank you, Edmund."

The both of them chatted for a while about the rundown of today, and Caspian went back to his desk as Edmund left.

Susan sat in front of her dresser and just sat tall. Lucy was behind her, coiling her hair into the most delightful of a shape, half-tied in a braid. They braided Susan's hair and coiled them over one another, letting it all eventually loose, to her waist. Susan's stare was blank, staring at her reflection on the mirror. Lucy was still busy behind her; constantly moving from her side to her other side, looking down at her hair, the look on her face was concentration. Little ornaments were tucked in her braid so neatly; small, thin wreaths of golden branches and dried flowers, white and tiny.

"You look beautiful," she said after she's done. Lucy put her chin on top of Susan's head, and her arms; a 'V' down her sister's shoulders. She was smiling, also radiating joy in the already joyful day. Susan's blank stare turned at the reflection of her sister. Her mouth smiled a shy smile, almost diplomatic, somewhat.

"Thanks," she replied. Lucy's smile slightly faded.  
"What's wrong?" she asked, standing straight; pulling away to get a better look.

It was not strange of her to ask that, given Susan's expression. Sweet and innocent Lucy, it never occurred to her what Susan was feeling that day. Susan was still smiling, and they had laughed earlier, and at Lucy's question, Susan smiled.

"Nothing, Lu. Just nervous," she said as she looked to her lap.  
"You? Nervous?" She asked, eyebrow raised and looking at Susan. She then picked an earring from the selection laid out on the table in front of them. Susan nodded approvingly. It was golden and the motive was akin to embroidery, or lace-like. It was quite thin so her ears were not weighed down with them. Lucy put it on Susan while holding her stare for an answer.

"What are you nervous about?"  
"Everything," she answered. The youngest Pevensie looked at her for a second and touched her braid.

"Well you don't have to worry about anything, Su. You look exquisite! He will drop to his knees at the mere sight of you," Lucy said. She then walked over to the dresser, taking a bottle filled with fragrant liquid. The bottle was clear diamond and shone even when it wasn't hit with sunlight. It was small; Lucy's palm was enough to cover it all. She then let the liquid drip on the tip of her index and forefinger, and she put it on behind Susan's ears and her neck. After she said this, Susan laughed.  
"You're probably right. At least, I hope so,"  
"Trust me," Lucy replied, the grin back on her face. Lucy put her hands on Susan's shoulders, and they both grinned. Soon, their grins turned into laughs.

"Come on, it's time," Lucy said, and Susan stood up. She was putting her nerves behind her, although not completely gone; Susan knew she didn't have to worry about this.

At least, not this part of today.

* * *

The castle walls were decorated with white flowers and green vines, the ivory marbles with the golden fabric draped and twisted on the pillars. Narnian flags were hung, and a feast was prepared on the long table, ready to be brought in as soon as the ceremony was over. The throne room was absolutely crowded with Narnians dressed their best for the historical occurring. Everyone was impatient for their queen to arrive. The sun shone mildly, enough to put things to the best lighting possible, adjusting itself to compliment the gold and ivory of today's theme. Every inch of the castle was radiating with excitement and the atmosphere of celebration; tall pillars of silver decorated with bouquets of flowers on top of it and were draped with vines and wild florals. Narnian flags were washed and hung on top of the castle buildings, the red even more vibrant than usual, and big Narnian flags were also hung throughout the throne room ceiling.  
The lords were waiting there, sat on their seats also with smiles on their face, proud of what today meant and proud of their king. Most of the lords are Caspian the 9th's relative; Miraz was a brother, some were cousins, some were husbands of his female cousins, some were his most loyal men who've shown his their loyalty throughout his years of reign. And because of that, they all have watched Caspian grew up, and today, they see him; proud as a father to his son.  
The marbled castle looked somewhat stronger, cracks of black on the off-white stone (as any marble); visible veins showing the strength. The glass roof; opening the view of the grand white clouds, rolling over Cair Paravel to watch the most awaited occurrence.  
The crowd was bustling. Happy chatters were heard, the lords were seated all around the throne altars, and Caspian, too, on the bottom step. Peter and Edmund were on his side, Peter being extremely calm about all this whereas Edmund was not as calm although he did not show it, and Caspian was quite close to fidgeting. He smiled, all in all, but his smile was of nervousness, and he put his hands on is back.

"A big moment for you," Peter said to him, smiling and awfully calm.  
"Huge," Caspian said, his tone was actually shaky and he let out a nervous laugh. He did not realize he was _this_ nervous. Not exactly nervous, but anxious. He was fidgeting now, although silently.

"Don't fret, Caspian. I'm sure you two will be very happy," Peter continued. "And I'm sure you will be a fine husband as I know she will be a fine wife,"  
"Thank you, Peter," Caspian replied while Peter was patting his back. Caspian looked to the floor and tried to think. There was a silence between them, despite the happy murmurs of the crowd.  
"And there she is," Edmund's voice came out, with the sound of trumpets blaring and the huge door to the throne room was open.

Caspian lifted his head and trying to think failed.

As the door opened and at the sight of her, he smiled. As if the crowd and everyone else did not exist; there was only her and that moment, her alone was enough.

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**Hello everyone! I'm back! So what do you think? Reviews and comments are very much appreciated. **


	2. Chapter 2

You Haven't Lost Me Yet

Chapter 2

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Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and my own OCs.

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She stood there; smiling in grace and the white fabric around her added to her majesty. Sunshine was radiating behind her; not blinding and just added to her beauty. Her chocolate hair was braided in the most fascinating way possible, although braided; still fell loose to her waist and the veil on top of her head, along with the crown. Her dress was not strapless. In fact, it had long sleeves with a v forming on the back of her palm. The bodice was corseted and layered with lace, the skirt a full 'A' line, giving her waist even more extreme effect to emphasize on how trim it is. It had gold details of small flowers, similar to Peter and Edmund's. The skirt was also lined with lace although not golden, and she held a bouquet of wild flowers, all ivory in color and green leaves. The bouquet was tied with an ivory bow and on her fingers, there was the ring Peter gave her for her 21st birthday on her right forefinger, the 'diplomacy' ring with Aslan's outlining on it on her middle finger. The train of her dress was fashionably long, and she held the bouquet with one hand while adjusting her skirt with the other. She then looked to her side, and there stood the lion.

Aslan looked up to Susan, and they stared at one another for a moment before she walked down, walked to the people waiting for her in the front part of the throne room.  
They both walked, Aslan beside her, guarding over her. Caspian and the three other Pevensies stared at both Susan and the lion, happy. They let out a small bow to Him and when she got to them, Caspian held out his hand and she put her palm on his, his other hand he kept to his back.  
Lucy was already there, beside Peter and Edmund, dressed in a different dress of the same shade. She grinned happily and Edmund and Peter smiled at the sight of their sister. Lucy stared in awe at Susan, at how beautiful her sister is. She was not the only one. He was bigger than the last time they saw them, and his golden mane and fur, although still golden was somewhat graying. The lion walked to the top stair, standing over them. Susan and Caspian and the rest of the Pevensies looked at him.

"Today is a fine day in Narnia, a day we should all be proud of and be happy, for the unison that will be occurring today is a blessing; we gather here to join in the joy of unity between our Queen Susan and King Caspian," He said, voice aloud, speaking to all of Narnia who attended. He then looked down at the two people in front of Him, standing on the lower stair.  
"I give you My blessing and I will watch over you for the rest of your unity. I wish you two the greatest happiness," he said in a lower voice, and then Aslan lifted his head and spoke once again to all of Narnia. "May you be a fine example and give Narnia justice and peace with your united ruling," He paused. "Long live the king and queen!"

Caspian then turned to his subjects, holding Susan's left hand in his. They all quieted down and he started speaking. "I have been blessed so in my life. My country is at peace," he paused. "I have a family," he gestured to Peter, Edmund and Lucy. Caspian paused, and looked at Susan in front of him.

"And today, I promise to give back what Aslan has bestowed upon me, as I am united with the woman I love," He looked at her, stared into her eyes and smiled. Susan smiled back, almost grinning. Happiness was radiated out of her, and in the off-white gown, she almost literally glowed.

He then kissed her and held her jaw line, and the crowd cheered for their newlywed king and queen. Everyone clapped and shouted merrily at the sight of the happy monarch, including Lucy and even the Pevensie men, although they did not exactly shout. Even Aslan smiled and when the two of them broke it off, they laughed and joined in the merry atmosphere with their subjects.

Flower petals were thrown at the two of them, and Caspian offered her his arm, and the two of them walked together for their first walk as husband and wife.

The crowd silenced as they watched their king took hold of his queen's hand, and they both smiled at each other while walking to the space in the middle of the throne room. They all stood back, forming a round space for their newly united monarchs. When the both of them got to the center, Caspian looked at her, pausing to take in all of this. The rest of the crowd stood back, and their conversation was unheard by them.  
Caspian pulled her waist to him, drawing her closer. His other hand holding hers, held out to their side. Soft music started playing, the happy, soft waltz as they both danced their first dance. Peter, Lucy and Edmund smiled, even the lords smiled at the sight of them, happy.

"Today is a fine day, my king,"  
"How are you, Lord Trin?" Peter asked when he saw who it was. He gestured his wine and the lord did so.  
"I am in the happiest state. My daughter will give me a grandchild and another of my king and queen are now united," He smiled at Peter and Peter smiled back. After a chat, Lord Trin left to go dance, join in the merriment around Cair. Edmund approached his brother when he saw the Lord left; this conversation needed to be private.  
He stood next to his brother, looking out to the dancing crowd.

"Hey Ed," Peter greeted him.  
"I assume Glenstorm has informed you of the..." he paused. "Information?"  
"What?" Peter asked him, and when he saw the look on Edmund's face, Peter stopped smiling. They stared at one another, Edmund fighting himself inside on whether to tell Peter now or later; either way, Peter has to know.

"Now look alive, brothers, today is a time of joy!" Lucy chirped in on their conversation. She took Peter's hand when he automatically offered her it.

As Peter joined in the dance by bringing Lucy, the crowd started to dance too. Soon, the dance floor was filled with people dancing, although they all left the round spot for Susan and Caspian slightly for themselves.

He looked at her with a smile on his face.  
"You look beautiful," he said to her.  
"I must for my husband," she answered jokingly, smiling in return and he leaned in, kissing her lips.

"Thank you," she answered truthfully and rested her head on his shoulder, and Caspian tilted his head so they were closer, he smelled her hair and it was of his favorite scent of her; the flowers.  
"I believe I am the one who should thank you," he said to her, his cheek was on the side of her head.  
"What for?" she asked, she stood up straight now, the both of them still swaying to the light music.  
"For granting me my happiness," he continued. "For wanting to be with the damaged man that I am," he said.

"You are far from damaged," she said, looking up at him, "And I'd rather be with a damaged you than with any other perfect man, or not be with you at all," she replied, head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

He smiled at her words and thanked Aslan in his heart for bestowing upon him the most perfect being for him. He then noticed how she was closing her eyes and how her breathing steadied.

"Tired?" He asked her, kissing her forehead afterwards.

"A little," she answered. "Some sleep will do," she said again.  
"Good thing we have the next three weeks off," he said, and Susan's eyes suddenly opened without him knowing it.

God how she was afraid. She doesn't know how to do this! Ruling a country, she was an expert at. Saving lives with deadly weapons and fighting for her life in a battle, she was an expert at. But this! She was afraid to the bones. She was nervous, out of all things, but then again, who wasn't on this condition? This was the thing that made her go uneasy for the past week. She was nervous. Too nervous. Caspian, on the other hand, seemed fine with all this. He did not look nervous or scared at all, if anything, he was just happy to be married to her. This made Susan even more uneasy, given the burden to please him as he will her.

"Yes," she managed to pretend to agree. Caspian had smiled a comforting smile for her, and they continued dancing. Peter cut off their dance and asked to have a dance with his sister, which of course Caspian agreed on. When he went about to get a drink, Susan danced with Peter, asking him about Rydia, his queen who was 7 months and three weeks in pregnant with their child. She was daughter to Lord Trin, and Peter asked her to marry him 2 years after their getting-to-know each-other-phase. She, of course, said yes and has been married for just over a year now. Susan had watched Peter fell in love and she often smiled at the sight of her smitten brother. She smiled at how he paced around trying to figure out ways to meet her, how he often consult with Susan on the subject of picking gifts to give to her, how he often took morning walks with her and came back with smiles, and how he proposed.

"_I'm not going to get up unless you say yes, you know," he said, pretending to be serious.  
_"_Well then it's a good thing you have fought many wars, isn't it? Kept those knees strong," she said, smiling.  
_"_The high king's knees are split, and guess whose fault is it? You know it could be counted as treason," he said, obviously joking but just playing along.  
_"_What! Treason? Then say no more, my king. I will marry you to keep your knees from splitting and for the sake of myself, for even charged with treason itself sounds better when compared to not having you inside my life," she said, started out diplomatic and ended with a smile. Peter was silent and it took him a few seconds to realize that she had just said yes. He then lifted her up to the air and they both laughed in joy. _

And now, Susan could only wish their marriage would be as happy as her brother's.

* * *

Susan knocked on the bedroom door and peeked in her head inside as soon as she heard the consent, "Come in,".

Rydia laid there, on one side of the huge bed in Peter's room, reading a book. Her blonde hair was braided and she swept it off to her shoulders. The air was so delightful; not hot but not cold either; it was warm but slightly tipped to the cool side. Rydia smiled at the sight of her sister-in-law.

"Susan! I'm sorry I couldn't make it today." she said, her expression was sorry. "Congratulations!" she said, hugging Susan and putting away her book.  
"Don't worry about that, Ryd. Thank you!" she answered. Susan looked at her belly which was big now. Rydia rubbed her hands on them with a motherly quality on her. She was beautiful. Her blonde hair braided and put on her right shoulders, the fair skin, thin, pink lips and her chocolate brown eyes, her fingers which were long and dainty, and she was a fine accomplished woman; was competent even to Peter's standards; a rare quality in women -except for Susan and Lucy themselves-, and only few had the high king's interest. _No wonder Peter falls in love with her everyday_, Susan thought as she looked at her sister-in-law.

"How is the baby?" Susan asked, gesturing her head to Rydia's belly.  
"Strong," she she smiled and looked down to it.  
They weren't sure of the baby's gender, but Peter never was the sort of king who needed a male heir, and after all, weren't there still Lucy, Edmund, and Susan to do the job? Not that Narnia is the kind of country who wouldn't take a female heir as ruler, anyway. Peter and Rydia never fussed about those silly insignificant things. And then she continued.  
"Like it's father,"

At Susan's silence, Rydia sensed something was off.

"You wanted to talk to me about something?" the pregnant woman asked, face suddenly concerned. Rydia sat back and was ready to hear what she was going to say. Susan sat at the side of the bed, one of her knee was up on it. She put her hands on her lap, and shoulders slumped.

"I can't talk to Lucy about this," she began, although still shrugging and hesitating. She spoke fluently, but seemed like she can't put her thoughts to words. Rydia waited for Susan to untie the knot in her tongue. It was going to take a while.

"Oh, are you nervous?" Rydia asked her, grinning. She leaned forward a bit, looking excited.  
"You have no idea," Susan answered her and Rydia laughed, mature and experienced. She looked down to her lap, trying to bite her lip so she doesn't laugh anymore.  
"Well at least one of us finds this humorous," she said again, pleading but couldn't help not to smile herself. The blonde queen then finally calmed down, although the wide amusement was still clearly visible on her face.

"You came to ask for what? Suggestions?"  
"I was thinking more like tips and," she paused. "maybe tricks?"

Rydia was now looking at her book.

"Oh Susan there is only so much tricks known to womankind on how to please a man," her tone made it sound like she was sure Susan didn't need to worry.  
"And I for one, am the most foreign of all womankind to it," Susan answered her, trying to catch Rydia's attention again.

There was a silence as Rydia looked at her sister in law, looking with humorous pity.

"Well in my," she paused, "cases, -that's what we'll call it-, your brother was not hard to please,"  
"Oh God," Susan said under her breath, combing her hair with her palms backwards.  
"And usually he leads. I follow," she paused. "And believe me, that alone is more than enough," she said.  
"What is this? Some sort of dance?"  
"Ironically, Susan, you can say it that way,"

"Ah," she said, "Well that makes me feel a whole lot better," Susan said, painful irony and looked at Rydia. They both laughed, although the nervous look was still painfully clear on Susan's face.

"Come on, you'll be fine," Rydia patted Susan's forearm and opened her book, putting it on her lap. "You'll know what to do,"  
"I doubt that," Susan answered her sister-in-law, and looked at her nervously. Susan sighed and straightened up.

"How do I do this?" She looked at her, pleadingly; begging for an answer; a direction. Rydia did not look up from her book, and answered.

"The only way you know how;" she said and she turned the page. Susan waited for an answer asking a soundless 'what?', and then the queen lifted her face up and smiled.

"By enjoying it,"

* * *

Susan was adjusting her gloves beside the horse. Destrier was dark brown and muscular like he always had been; he'd been carrying and battling numerous battles with Caspian already before he and Susan had even met. She was still adjusting her gloves; it was normal for a windy day like this. Her dress had a high collar on it; and it was off white with dark brown linings on the hem. It had a puff sleeve to her elbows, and the rest of it was fitted to her palms. She had on a brown cape, and on her head was her crown of course, her hair was in a bun on the side of her ear. It was that way so it wouldn't bother her while riding. She had her riding boots on, and Susan had just finished adjusting the last finger part when she felt her waist hoisted up.

"Oh!" she was shocked, but as soon as she knew who it was, Susan smiled, although still shocked.

"You surprised me, darling," she said, looking down.

"I did not mean to, I apologize," Caspian answered while smiling and not long after, climbing up the horse himself. He took the reins and Susan put her arms around his waist. They both then waved to the rest of the Pevensies and Trumpkin, Reep and Glenstorm, along with some other staff of the castle.

He then rode off, leading the group of men. He rode Destrier through the two lines of the knights who will be coming with them. Susan took a look at the guards, and then when she saw him among the accompanying knights, her heart froze.

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**Hello everyone, thanks for reading! Just a quick reminder, though: after this, the story rating will be changed to 'M', therefore not anymore seen on the just-in filter. After this, trouble starts to rise up and it will get pretty interesting, so continue reading. What do you think so far?  
**


	3. Chapter 3

You Haven't Lost Me Yet

Chapter 3

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**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia'. What I do own is this plot and my own OCs. Note: Prunaprismia did not go to earth.**

* * *

Susan tried to forget about the fact that she learned just a bit more than 8 hours ago. They had just arrived in the Telmarine castle; where Caspian spent his childhood. 8 hours worth of riding hadn't put Susan's mind at ease. She hated this idea. Why is this happening right now, she couldn't stop asking herself. On top of the burdening though about tonight_, this_! She paced around the front of the bed, hand dropped to the side of her body. She was still in her white riding dress, and Susan was yet still pacing when someone knocked on her door.

"Come in," she said.

The woman who came in had a smile on her face. She stood tall after locking the door behind her.

"Congratulations, darling," she said to Susan, who as soon as she saw who it was, smiled and stopped walking around.

"Thanks," she said, and they both hugged each other. Prunaprismia then held Susan by her shoulders and leaned back, to get a better look at her niece-in-law.

"You must be tired, why not bathe already?"  
"I was just about to," Susan answered. "Caspian?"

"He's still in the stables, looking at some things. He's just married, for Aslan's sake, I do not understand why he is still busy," she said to Susan, helping her unpack some of her things. Susan did not reply and after a moment, she walked over to help her –now- aunt. They had stayed on the cottage of the castle; not many people will go here; it was built for private use, and it is now serving Susan and Caspian…. as their private use.

"He is king," Susan replied as soon as she got to her.  
"With a new queen, I might add," her aunt answered.  
"I don't mind at all, really," Susan answered. "Besides, it gives us time to catch up," she said again.

Prunaprismia stood back as she looked at her niece-in-law. She was somehow taken delightfully aback by her niece-in-law's words. Susan turned around to see her aunt smiling.

"You are a beautiful bride," she said, stroking Susan's hair as she said this. "I wish you all the happiness you deserve, for I believe you two deserve great things," Prunaprismia smiled at her, and Susan couldn't help but smile back. How different was she than her husband. Prunaprismia never participated in Miraz's evil, and until they walked in on the night of the raid, she did not know about any of them. Despite that, over the years she still remained the loving woman she is, and a loving aunt to Caspian. She was all Caspian had closest to a parent, and deep in her heart, Susan thanked Aslan for her. Susan shrugged at her aunt's compliment and said thank you. When Prunaprismia walked off to continue unpacking, Susan wondered if she should be asking the question she'd been dying to ask.

"How are you?" She started, and Prunaprismia answered without looking at her.  
"I am good, Susan," She said, still unpacking. Susan approached her and asked another question, trying to sound normal.

"The guards are all present?"

Prunaprismia laughed at her niece's question.

"Of course they are, why would you ask that?" Prunaprismia still didn't look at her.  
"Just checking," Susan said under her breath.

"Well to tell you the truth," Prunaprismia started again, standing tall with a piece of clothing on her hand and Susan paid attention. She continued. "I did give some of the men days off because it was just me and Myran here," Myran would be her and Miraz's son, "But then," she continued.

"You and Caspian got married and even though I went to Cair Paravel for your wedding, protection has to be upgraded with your coming here," she said, continuing her work.  
"Knights were summoned to guard the castle, and some of them were pretty persistent on coming back, even without my call," she said again.  
At this, Susan's heart pounded her chest. She was dreading this. She was nervous. The air suddenly became hot and she felt her knees weaken.

"How many of them were persistent, exactly?" Susan said, trying her hardest to sound calm.  
"One, that I remember of," her aunt answered her. "He personally requested my permission to come back, isn't that sweet of him?" she said again.

Susan's voice came out dead when she answered. "Yes how very sweet of him to welcome his newlywed king and queen,"

"Exactly what I was thinking," the lady smiled at Susan, who reluctantly smiled back. As Prunaprismia walked to the door, Susan got even more worried at her previous words. She sat on the bed, fidgeting already.

"Oh! Before I forgot, dear," Prunaprismia turned around.  
"This is for you," She said, digging her hands into her dress pocket, and pulled a small pouch. She walked over and opened Susan's palm.

"For good luck," she whispered beside her ears and continued to walk to the door.

As soon as Prunaprismia was out the door, Susan opened her palm. When she saw what was in it, she just froze. She kept staring at it, unsure what to do with it, yet she knew what it was. In the back of her mind, she didn't believe that her husband's aunt had given one of it to her, yet here it is, right on her palm. It only added to the number of things Susan was worried about. A half-hour later, Susan was still on the same position as she was. There was a knock on her door, which did not surprise her; she was too shocked to even be surprised anymore.

"Susan," Caspian said as he walked in, delighted to find his wife there. "Why not bathe already?" he asked as he kissed her forehead. Susan ignored the question and kept staring at her palm as he walked away.

"Do you know what your aunt gave me?" Susan asked, still sitting down.  
"What?" Caspian answered as he took off his doublet from across the bed.

Susan turned around, standing now. She showed him what she has been staring at for quite some time. When he got a clear look at it, he laughed.

"She gave you a fertility charm?"  
"Yes she gave me a fertility charm," it came out not quite as calm.  
"Well it's for good luck," Caspian answered her, smiling as he folded his shirt.

Susan stared at her husband in a humored disbelief.

She chose not to tell him of her…fear, at least not yet. She walked over to the huge window of their bedroom, and she looked out, looking at all of Narnia and sat down. When she felt those warm arms hoisted her up from her seat, Susan tried her hardest to stay focused.

"That is only a belief, Susan, it doesn't matter much. I am happy," he said to her, mouth beside her ears. They both looked out the window, with his arms folded in front of her stomach; hugging her closer to him. He was wearing a shirt now, and Susan folded her hands over his.

"I am happy too," she said to him, not turning her head, although she smiled. She felt calm inside the warmth of her husband. Only then did she turn her head and kissed him. It was heated and passionate, he cupped her jaw with his right hand and the other was still on her waist. Their lips moved perfectly in sync and Susan was a bit disappointed when they broke it off.

"How about a walk through the gardens? It's not yet 2," Caspian offered her his arm.  
"I will catch up with you, let me change first," she said.  
"Alright, I'll see you downstairs darling," he answered her as he made his way towards the door.

They kissed again and it was quick, and it felt like they've been doing it for ages. It was casual, nothing fancy, nothing made up. The kiss, very much like their relationship, was honest.

_Was_ honest.

As he left, Susan sat on the bed and just breathed. She inhaled, and exhaled. She sat on the huge bed for more than 15 minutes, her heart still felt like it was going to jump out of her. He couldn't know; Caspian shall never know. She paced around a bit more, and while changing her clothes she still fidgeted; missed a button hole, tied the wrong ribbon, and all that clumsy things she knew she wasn't. When she managed to put everything together, Susan stood in front of the long mirror to make sure she was adequate.  
She settled on a sky-blue dress with large floral lace patterns on the bodice, to match Caspian's cerulean doublet. She let her hair down, loose to her waist and puts on her crown after straightening up. She looked at the mirror once again, and while inspecting her clothing, Susan calmed herself.

"_Everything is going to be fine, Su,"_ she looked at her skirt. _"Maybe you're over-reacting. Maybe he's just here to welcome his new united king and queen, don't think negatively. Aslan is by your side. Just calm down,"_ she thought to herself. Her daydream was abruptly cut with a knock on her door.

She got a feeling then, a bad feeling. Like something was going to go wrongly, and Susan did not like it. She first thought it was maybe Caspian, checking on why it took her so long, and then she felt guilty on having him wait for her to get dressed. _But then again_, she thought to herself, _ Caspian was too much of a gentleman to do that,_ she said. She knew who she married. And because of that, when she answered 'come in,' she answered with reluctance.

The door opened and Susan saw who it was through the reflection on the mirror.  
She felt herself tense up, her shoulders tensed, her facial expression tensed, everything. It was nostalgic, seeing what she saw.

"What are you doing here?" She asked him, her voice cold and tense, like the rest of her.  
"To check on my queen," he said, closing the door behind him and bowed. She did not like the smile on his face at all.

Susan turned around as soon as she saw the door locked through the reflection.

"I trust you know the rules enough as to not lock yourself in the king's bedroom with his new queen," she said, standing her ground. She clasped her hand in front of her skirt, and he walked forward, eye-ing her like a predator on a prey.

"I am aware that you are married," he said, staring at her as he walked towards her in a steady, slow pace. Step by step, each longer than a second. With each step he took, Susan got more scared. This cannot happen to her right now. _And it won't,_ she stood as she clasped harder and gritted her teeth.

"I came because I saw him waiting for you," he said again, still smiling. "Yes I know he'll never hurry you to anything," Susan straightened herself up, looked at him with her hands still clasped.

"Well," she continued.  
"Better not keep my husband waiting," she walked towards the door, gathering up the courage as she past him, hands still clasped hard. Wrong words.

The sudden movement of his hand caught her off-guard. He snatched her arm and gripped it so tight it almost felt numb. She was frightened now. Really frightened. Her breathing suddenly was rapid, and she felt her heart pounding on her head.

"You better not try my patience, Susan," he said to her, face only inches away. Susan tried her best to look calm.

"What are you going to do to me? I am your queen," she said, challenging him. She did not give away that she was scared for her life, even though fear was painfully visible in her voice.

"You forget that I hold the key to your happiness in this marriage, Susan, if you want it to work," he said. And at her silence, she continued. "You love your dear Caspian, don't you?" He tightened his grip and it made her hiss. She turned away her face. "If you really want this marriage to work, you better do as I say," he threatened her.

"Or what?" She sounded fearless this time. He chuckled at the attempt. To his eyes, it was all useless. Susan herself knew what he was going to say; what he was going to use as a weapon for blackmail. She was fully aware of the fact; but in the back of her mind, Susan wished what she thought was not going to be true.

"You forget that I can tell him of your past," he paused, and her expression paled.

There it was. Exactly what she thought of. Her somewhat calmed breathing suddenly was silently choked again, and it froze her.

"I thought you'd remember," he paused again. "Let me put it this way for you," He backed her up against a wall, and again, Susan hissed in pain. Her head was hit hard, and he was pressing her body while still gripping her arm.

"You will do as I say, or your dear Caspian knows about your past, and your marriage will be over, you will be banished, and your dearest husband will live in pain forever, knowing that his beloved queen had never wanted him," he now took a look at her face, and Susan looked straight into his eyes. How he was exaggerating.

"Do not exaggerate, sir! Because you know you are, and you know that I love my husband. Always have, always will, and he I," she said. The words only enraged him more, and he pressed her again on the wall.

"When he knows what I will tell him, he will forget his love!" he yelled, and Susan felt her heart stopping. Not because of fear, not because of anything else, except the fact that she knows it's true. If Caspian knows, he will banish her. They will not be together anymore. That can't happen. Never. Not on her watch. Not if she can do anything about it.

"Finally, you understand too," he paused. "Face it, my queen. When he knows about this particular information, he will get rid of you like a sewer rat!" he let go and walked towards the door.  
"Come on, my king is waiting," he said again, back to her. He let go of her hand and dropped her to the floor. Susan was down, sitting on the marble, overwhelmed and in disbelief that this is all happening.

"Why?" Susan asked him, finally caving in. Her voice was strong, demanding.  
He stopped moving, and she stared at his figure. She doesn't know what he would do if she ever tries to speak up, but she was afraid not because of her own fortune. When he did not reply, she continued.  
"You are his friend. His best friend," she cried out again.

Juan Willan looked over his shoulders while keeping a hand on his sword.

"He took what was mine," he said. His voice softened a little, smaller than usual. He put his hand on the door knob, and he continued, without looking at Susan this time. He meant Susan when he said 'what was mine,' He looked down to the floor, and then his voice was back to its usual rough sound.

"And he's not my friend,"

With that, the door slammed shut.

* * *

Susan had managed to arrive at the garden a few minutes later, of course with Juan Willan already there, chatting to Caspian while waiting for his new queen. Caspian had his hair half-tied up, and he was not smiling; frowning, even. She was not sure if it was from the sunlight or from a bad news. He was standing more relaxed than Juan Willan was, and she saw Willan standing next to him, chatting like nothing had happened. Susan saw his hand reached up to his sword; a useless gesture, she was sure of that.  
She began her walk outside of the castle walls and made her way towards them. She nodded to those who greeted her, smiles and all. When she reached them, she knew Willan was already aware of her presence even before she got to them.

"Susan," Caspian said as soon as he saw his wife, hugging her with one arm and kissed her forehead. Willan stood beside him, watching every occurrence and standing, tenser by the second, although she was sure only she felt that. Susan smiled at her husband and began talking.

"My queen," Willan greeted her, kissing her hand. She could tell that he wanted his lips on her skin longer than it did, and the thought disgusted her. Susan shivered at his cold skin and pulled her hand in the gentlest way she knew how, and put it on Caspian's chest. He put his arm on her waist and they walked together. Willan followed them a few meters behind.

"What were you two walking about?" she asked her husband, arm knotted with him,  
"There is a feud over at the east, a two hour ride from here," they continued their walk, and Susan stared at her husband.  
"Well surely they don't know their king and queen are newly united?" she asked him as they stepped down a two-flight stair.

"They do," Caspian said. A few steps in silence before Susan began talking once more.

"Which means?" she asked him, slowing her step.

"The king has to go to pursue solutions on the matter, on the avoidance that the angry mass pursue their own," Willan answered them, hands behind him, and Susan turned her head to him.

She silenced for a moment, eyebrow cringed and frustration began to overtake her. She still managed a somewhat calm face.

"Can't Peter go?" she begged for an answer to him.  
"The high king has Queen Rydia ready for birthing; it wouldn't be fair on him to miss it, and with the distance of Cair Paravel, it does not make sense if either of King Edmund or Queen Lucy go,"

Susan turned her head at Willan, and then back again at Caspian. At that moment, she wanted more than nothing to shut Willan up and tell him to go somewhere else. But that is not queenly behavior, she knew that. And it will confuse Caspian that she suddenly acts that way; it will add to his suspicion that something was going on; and she doesn't want that.

She finally settled her stare on her husband.

"They can't possibly ask an audience with you now; you are not yet married for a week," she said to him as she took a step closer to her husband.  
"With all due respect, your majesty, I doubt that they are lying," Willan once again stepped in, and Susan exhaled as she closed her eyes. She opened them, looking slightly annoyed.  
"Why not come here, then? My husband is king, after all. If they want an audience, they shall come here to their king,"

"They did not want an _audience_," Willan yet again had the nerve to answer.

"Sir Willan," Caspian said to him, turning his head.  
"Leave me and my wife," and that resulted in Willan shocked, although he did bow down and leave. Of course he had the nerve to answer; to Caspian he was more a friend than a worker. The both of them looked at the leave of the knight; and when Willan was out of sight, Caspian looked at his wife.

"Then I will come with you," Susan said, preparing to walk off when he held her arm. She hissed, remembering the pain from earlier, although she did not show it to him.  
"And risk your safety? Never, Susan," he answered her. Susan stopped and she looked at her husband.

"Well what about _your_ safety? Is it not every bit important as mine?"  
"You know what I mean,"  
"I really do not,"  
"I can leave tonight and be with you the day after tomorrow," he smiled at his wife, caressing her face with the back of his palm. Susan took a step closer to her husband.

"Caspian you cannot leave me here alone," she pleaded, although her tone was somewhat stern.  
"You won't be alone. There's Willan," he said to her. "I have put him personally in charge of taking care of your needs, he will be at your door every second. He will keep you safe,"

Susan was taken aback by her husband's words. How little he knew of what happened, and he shall never know. Everything Willan said Caspian would be if he found out, all of those would be true. What if he thought Susan had never loved him? That was a blasphemy so black; darkness itself would die in shame. And at the fear of him becoming suspicious, once again, Susan tried to act neutral. Because if-the-past-never-happened-Susan would be alright if she was left alone for just two days, and if-the-past-never-happened-Susan will also be alright if Willan was guarding her door every second, and because she needed to act as if the past didn't happen, she pretended to be alright too.

"Promise me you will come back," she finally said to him, a step closer. He chuckled.  
"Look at me, not yet a week married and already a horrid husband," Caspian said, the look of regret on his eyes.

"Don't be so hard on yourself darling," she said. "Promise me," she continued.

"I promise," he assured her, smiling. They smiled and kissed, and then continued their walk, chatting and laughing about silly things.

From across the garden, Juan Willan looked at the both of them, jealous and envious, and sad; looking at the thing he knows he will never have. He cherished life from now on; absorbing every beauty of nature and life itself; the life he knows will end in the next few days. And the life he always wanted; since he'd never gotten it, he figured; 'why not take what you can out of this life before it ends?"

* * *

**Hello everyone, false alarm! So I will be changing the rating to 'M' on the next chapter. What do you think so far? Reviews will be very much appreciated!**


	4. Chapter 4

You Haven't Lost Me Yet

Chapter 4

* * *

**Disclaimer : I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and my own OCs.**

* * *

"I trust you are good enough a knight to protect his queen?"

"Even without your majesty's command I will do it," Willan answered Caspian. They both walked out of the stables, and at the knight's words, Caspian smiled. They stopped just a few meters from the horse, and he turned towards Willan.

"If I don't make it—"

"You will and if that ever happens, yes, I will guard her with my life," Willan already knew what his friend would say. This was the reason the knight did not come; Caspian wanted to make sure someone he trusted was with Susan.

"Thank you," he said, hugging him. Willan hugged back. "Be safe out there, alright? For your wife and people," he reminded.

"When have I ever not," Caspian answered him and gave him a smile before walking towards the waiting Destrier.

Susan stood there, looking at her husband and Willan. She looked to the floor when they hugged; unable to watch everything. She constantly reminded herself of what if-the-past-never-happened-Susan would do. She based her actions around them, as well as she could play it. When she looked up, Caspian was already in front of her. He put his left hand around her waist, pulling her closer, and his right palm, knotted in hers.

"Will you ever forgive me for this?"  
"For what?"

"For leaving you not two days after our wedding,"

The night breeze blew over Susan's face, strands of her chocolate waves were across her face, and Caspian brushed it off with his fingers. He was looking at her, regretting his decision. But it was not him that she looked at. Susan noticed how Juan Willan was staring at them, although pretending to look elsewhere. He caught Susan's eye, and he grinned a grin she did not like.

"Just come back to me," She continued after remembering the look on Willan's face, "Please,"  
"You know I will," he answered, and they kissed. It was almost a painful one, although the matter was slightly small. Caspian would be back by noon the day after tomorrow, and there was nothing to worry about. At least, not if the past never happened.

Susan tried not to look at him; the knight was undressing her with his eyes, and in the back of her head, Susan was glad Caspian had to go for a while; she needed to get things straight with Willan.

"I will be as quick as I can," he said from atop Destrier.

"Be safe," she was half scared at the idea; how important must the matter be to take the newlywed king from his queen? Or worse, how angry are they to do such a thing. She was scared, although it may not be important at all. All he needed to do was probably talk a few things out with them and they'd all eventually come to an agreement; given how diplomatic her husband is. She's been on these kinds of tours before; the matter did not seem as urgent as they called it, but still, she couldn't help but worry.

"I love you," she said again.  
"As I, you," he answered her, the happy smile on his face. He then turned his head and looked to the road ahead.

"Away!" He announced as Destrier strode, leading the group consisting of two dozen armies to go.

Susan stared at the group, and a few minutes later they all became only silhouettes of a moving flock, and later becoming a silhouette only in Susan's mind. She turned her head to go on inside and clasped her hand in front of her.

This wing of the castle was made especially for vacation needs. There weren't many guards around hovering inside the building, but of course with Susan and Caspian there, protection was upgraded. Guards were added, protection was upgraded. Still, the king's trusty knight, Sir Juan Willan was of course chosen by Caspian to guard his queen; Willan was a friend he could trust.

When they were little they used to play together, and Willan, being the son of the royal ironsmith, grew up around weapons and therefore, one of Caspian's best sparring match. When the Telmarine lost on the second battle of Beruna, Willan pledged his life to Caspian and his new united kingdom, and when Caspian grieved over the loss of his love; Susan Pevensie, Willan was there, helping him. He was there for the endless morning meeting of lords parading their daughters or nieces under Caspian's nose. He was his friend.  
Not anymore.

Susan felt the castle building was empty, now that Caspian wasn't here. The Lady Prunaprismia was on the other side of the castle building; 20 minutes of walking distance. The building she and Caspian stayed at was actually separated from the actual castle; a bit hidden and a bit smaller. Still, guards and knights were everywhere, guarding Susan on special orders of the king, even though without Caspian telling them so, they would guard their newlywed queen with their life.

So she walked along the castle corridors alone, feeling lonely and scared. She was anxious; not really for her fortune but for her husband's. And now with Caspian gone, she wasn't sure of what would happen.  
She walked to her room, a bit hurriedly, although still smiling at whoever passes and bowed to her. When she got to her chamber, she opened the door with force, already scared. She entered her room, and locked the door, and then she breathed. Her back was on the wooden door, and she closed her eyes.

At least for _now_ she is safe.

She took a deep breath once more and looked around the room. He was not there, thank Aslan. She then walked over to the vanity and took a look at herself. All that running and over thinking things have wearied her down. A thin layer of sweat was visible on her forehead, and she decided on a bath.

_It's alright, Su everything's going to be fine,_ she said to herself. _You have to tell him when he gets back, tell him everything and that nothing has happened ever since._ She said again.

The thought of nothing has happened ever since calmed her. She saw that maybe, just maybe, Caspian would forgive her and continue on with their life. For a moment there, Susan smiled. Everything may actually be alright. She stood up, and took off her outer clothing. Her bath was drawn already for her in the next room connecting to hers; the smell of summer clear on her nose. She smiled again, and she folded the fabric, put it on the bed. Her smile was suddenly cut off when she heard the door being unlocked.

When she jerked her head, he was already there.

Susan took a step backwards and covered herself up with her arms.

She was only wearing her thin under dress and her corset now, and he stared at her, sucking everything in like she was a work of art. His eyes went up and down and then up again, and he was smiling in satisfaction. He was not in his armor anymore; he was in his usual shirt and breeches, with his sword on his hips. Susan was scared. She did not say anything, and then she abruptly turned around, her back to him now.

"Guards!" she said as she lifted the clothing she folded earlier to put them on.

"Have you forgotten, my queen? I am your guard," he continued. "They have all been put to duty elsewhere, I figured, this is something you don't want your husband to know, let alone the guards. I am your only guard,"  
"On the contrary, I think a guard will know better than to walk in on his queen without permission," she hissed as she put the piece of clothing back on her body again.

He smirked, and when his voice was right behind her, Susan tensed.

"On the contrary," he quoted her, moaning beside her ear. "I think a guard should do what his queen wants him to do," he lifted the strands of hair on her shoulders. The touch of his cold lips made him shiver. "Now what do you want me to do?" His lips were down on her neck now, and Susan yelled.

"Leave me!" she shouted at him, her breathing was rapid. She walked away, and to her surprise and relief, Willan did not follow. When she turned her head around, she saw him still smirking.

"Are you always this feisty, even with your husband?" He asked a rhetorical question, and he chuckled.

"When my husband knows of what happened, I am sure he will still be who he is to me, even with your extreme exaggeration. He will know that whatever happened is in the past. So I suggest you leave your infant attempts and leave me and Caspian be,"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I am aware that you are married?" He tensed; his fists clenched and gritted his teeth. He continued. "But I suppose that will make it more fun," He said under her breath. He started walking towards her again, each step postponed with arguments. Susan noticed that; and tried with all her might to keep him talking.

"You say he will forgive you?"  
"Yes. And I know he will,"  
"Well obviously you don't know him like I do,"

At this, Susan quieted. She knew he was bluffing.

"I know who I married,"  
"You think he will forgive you?"  
"Yes."  
"On what basis, my queen?"  
"Your king loves his queen,"  
"HA! There it is again. I have told you that when he knows of your impurity he will get rid of you like a rat. He may be a fine gentleman, queen, but there is still some Telmar in him." He was assuring her, and worse, Susan knew Caspian actually _could_ banish her if he ever finds out. She has tried putting the issue away from her mind; and for some time, it worked. Until Willan showed up and lay out the truth and what is likely to happen. This, to her misfortune, will be true.

"You know I'm right in this, Susan, don't deny yourself." He took another step towards her and she lifted her stare from the ground.

"And if he loves you," he took another step. "Why is he leaving you, not even two days after your wedding?" he was laughing but she knew he was dead serious.  
"He has not even touched you yet and already he's leaving you. What kind of love is that?"  
"Love is certainly not measured by a touch,"  
"Oh you know what I am talking about. He is leaving you, his wife from an unconsummated marriage, in a tower, full of male guards and knights. _Telmarine_ guards and knights. Now tell me that is not something stupid," By now he was only a meter away from her. Still she did not budge. Susan looked at her side and ignored his words. She did not doubt that that was not true; she knew it wasn't. She did not one second doubt Caspian, and she knew Willan was only doing this to disturb her. It did not. She was not going to make the same mistake twice.

"That's because he thought he had a friend here who would guard his wife and queen,"  
"I have told you before that I am not his friend," he paused.

"And if _I_ was your husband instead of him, I will never leave," he said to her, only inches away now.

"Well then I'm glad you aren't, sir, because I'd rather be in an unconsummated marriage with Caspian now than in any marriage with you," he only laughed at this.

"Have you ever imagined what it would be like?" He asked her, smirking.

"There's nothing wrong with thinking about it, you know," he said to her, and at that, she spoke.  
"There is when you think about it with someone else' wife," her tone was pure anger.

"Wife? Is that what you are to him?" and at his next words, Willan pointed out something.  
"He hasn't even bedded you yet," He tipped his head to his right, staring at her, shaking his head. "I don't understand him at times," he continued, "Always the one with feelings. Always being kind. Always the gentleman. And even as a husband he did not take the chance on ravishing what he has," he straightened his head again. The sudden snatching of her waist took her by surprise, and Susan gasped. She struggled with all her might; she kicked him, punched him, but it was all to no avail. He was bigger than she is, obviously; and his arms were around her, around all of her. He whispered in her ears from behind her.

"I mean, if I was your husband," he paused, "it would be something like this,"  
She screamed in struggle as he forced her to move towards the bed. She pulled her arms from his with all her might. It all proved useless. Her mouth was gagged with his shirt, and her hands pinned down at her sides. And as her thighs were forced apart from behind her, Susan could feel herself fading away.

Caspian's name were just screams that no one heard.

* * *

When she woke up she found herself on their bed.

It was only around 5 am.

She froze for a second in her position, trying to feel something; trying to wake up although she already is. It couldn't have been a dream, can it? What she felt now was real. What she went through last night was real. And Susan's breath was suddenly caught. Her heart felt like it was snatched from behind her, sinking deeper and deeper until she cannot feel it anymore. Blankets were up to her hips, although she was warm up to her stomach. And then she remembered.

She looked behind her, the head which was in her shoulders, the nose which was on her neck, the arms which were around her, and the closed eyes, sleeping. Willan did not seem like himself when he was asleep. He looked at peace, he looked happy. His lips were on her back, kissing it without him knowing. She felt the warmth of his body behind her, and at that, Susan got up abruptly.

That woke him up. He rested his body on his elbows; propping them up on the bed, and she put on her dress.

"Feisty, as always," he remarked when he saw her dressing with force.  
She did not answer.

"I see you are mad at me. At least tell me why," he said, sounding like nothing has happened and that made Susan stop what she was doing.  
"What are you so mad about?" He said, walking towards her.

"Have you taken what you want? Is all of me last night not enough?" She said. He seized her arm and pulled her close to him.

"Don't act as if you did not enjoy it!" He said, shaking her back and forth. Susan looked to her side.

"You expect me to enjoy being bedded against my will?"  
"Oh do not give me all that, Susan. I am not Caspian who you can lie to every second of your life! Say it. You loved it."

Susan did not answer because everything he said was not true.  
She hated it, she hated him for taking what was not his, she hated it all. Everything Willan said just now was blasphemies. She knew she did not enjoy anything, but she also knew that if Willan told Caspian that she did, he would believe him.

She screamed Caspian's name until she was limp. With his shirt tied around her mouth, it was tiring that she screamed when actually, the screams were insignificant. She was trying to do what can't be done.

"And you want more of it," At this, Susan jerked her head to him.

"Don't you dare touch me," her voice was cold.

"Why not? I've touched you before," he continued at her loss for words. "And I shall touch you again," he said after staring at her for quite some time.

"What are you trying to prove, Willan? You are his friend. And when he finds out about this, I'm sure he will have your head on a spike. You forget that if he knows, I'm not the only one whom he will kill," she said, acting brave. Maybe she was, but inside, Susan was terrified.

"I've told you before that he took what was mine,"

"Yours? I was never yours,"  
"Never? Really? How about last night? When you screamed in agony and begged for more, were you not mine then?"

"Stop exaggerating things. I did not do any of what you accused me of,"  
"My dear queen it is not accusing when it really happened. Don't you remember the part where you were out? I bet you did not remember anything of what you did back then," Willan said, and at his words, Susan froze. She did not remember anything.  
"Don't you remember doing things? Things my friend's wife shouldn't be doing to me? Things that, if Caspian knows of, he will absolutely kill you for?"  
"I've said this before, sir. Stop exaggerating things. I did not do any of the things you said, and I know I did not,"

Willan thought for a moment.  
"Hmm," he started. "True. But what do you think Caspian will believe if I tell him otherwise?"

Even if she didn't do it, if Willan told Caspian that she did, he will believe him.

And only now did she understand the cost of all this.

Her marriage would be ruined. There was no 'nothing has ever happened since' now; something happened just last night.

"Think about it this way, Susan," he paused, "I bed you, and I won't tell Caspian anything. It's a win-win situation,"

Susan was afraid now more than anything. She did not care if Caspian threw her out of the kingdom, or even killed her. She was afraid of what kind of black hole Caspian will fall into if he finds out. He was king. And what will people say of him; the king who couldn't even maintain his queen.

"If he ever finds out, I imagine he will do things he shouldn't. Hell, the man would kill himself if he knows you've been with me," he continued. "And since last night can't be undone, how about now?"  
"That will never happen,"  
"Suit yourself. I will tell him if you don't do it, though," he said, turning around.

Before last night, everything may actually be fine. If she told Caspian that nothing has happened ever since the past, he might forgive her. He might even not care at all.

But last night did happen. And there's no undoing it. Willan pretended to put on his shirt, but then as he predicted, Susan spoke. She doubted herself. She looked at the floor, and how scared she was. She was never scared like this in her life, not even before deadly duels or battles. But battles and duels were a threat to her own life. This was for the life of the man she loves, which is far more important.

"Promise me you will not tell him,"

Willan smiled and stopped dressing. He turned around and grinned at her. "I promise,"

She wasn't given time to even defend herself. Willan knocked her down to the table behind her and he gagged her mouth once again with his shirt. She then felt numb. She just wanted it to be over, and not long after, she was in pain. When she was done screaming, he finally took off her gag and kissed her.

She felt pain multiple times, although she did not really care. After some time, she learned to just be quiet at the pain; the more she screamed, the more he seemed to enjoy taking her. And she hated all of it. Every time she feels like running, she reminded herself of what Willan said to her. Caspian would die. Caspian would stop everything. Caspian would die.

And she doesn't want that.

More than she doesn't want to be raped.

* * *

She woke up again, and it was mid-day.

Willan was still beside her, sleeping once more. He held her close to him, just like this morning. Susan's waist and stomach was surrounded by his arms, warm around her. She felt his breathing, going up and down behind her own body, the air he inhales and exhales blown gently beside her neck. He was so peaceful, yet the ruggedness inside of him was still showing. The cruel side of him did not sleep as his body did, and that scared her.

Caspian will be back tomorrow afternoon.  
Just until tomorrow afternoon, and then she and her husband can live in peace forever.

She and Caspian will be happy.

At that moment, alone, Susan promised herself that Caspian and her will be happy no matter what; even if that includes the fact that she has to do this.  
Whatever she has to do. Whatever Willan wants her to do, she will do it.

She will do it for the sake of the man she loves.

She then stirred around in his arms, trying to get up. He then hugged her even tighter to him, and put his left leg up her thighs underneath the blanket, guarding her to not go anywhere.

"This is part of my demand," he said, not bothering to open his eyes. Susan stared at him and eventually rested her body on the bed as he hugged her even closer. He then covered her upper body with the blanket; pulling it up.

Susan stayed still as he traced his lips on the back of her neck. It made her shiver. He still did not open his eyes, and he locked his hands with hers, holding them.

"He's different since he lost his father," he said beside her ear, the voice a low moan. Susan did not answer.

"He was cheerful. Not even close to the serious man he is now. And now with you, I've never seen him so happy his entire life," He continued, and then he opened his eyes. He continues to look at the blank space on the side of the bed, and traced his forefinger on her shoulders.

"You are really something to him," he said to her, Susan's stare on the same space Willan is looking at. She stayed still.  
"And he, to me," she said.  
"I know you love him," Willan said to her, looking at her now.  
"I do,"

He chuckled, "And yet you still gave yourself to me,"

She paused, and Susan turned around to look at him.  
"I did not give anything to you, let alone myself. I am Caspian's; always has been, always will be,"  
"But not today," he paused. "Not now. Right now, you are mine,"  
"I will never be yours, Willan," she answered him in a stern tone, cold.

"Maybe not," he continued. "But you will never be fully his again now,too," he whispered in her ears.

And at that, Susan silenced. She turned around and winced at the pain she felt at the meeting of her thighs. She felt water on her eyes at Willan's words, and he let go of her finally. He sat up, put on his clothes while still sitting on the bed. Susan got up also, once again wincing and this time, louder.

"I'm sorry about the bites," he said to her while buttoning his doublet. "I hope I did not damage you too bad," he said and then he walked away, closing the door behind him.

Susan brushed away all the blankets on top of her and sat up. She saw blood stains on the sheets and on herself. Her screams, like Caspian's name, were all just screams no one heard.

* * *

**So what do you guys think? Please tell me your opinions and how to better 'You Haven't Lost Me Yet". Thanks for reading, and don't hesitate to review.**


	5. Chapter 5

You Haven't Lost Me Yet

Chapter 5

* * *

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and my own OCs.

**Author's Note** : I'm back everyone! Sorry for not updating for so long, but chapter five is finally here! Tell me what you think. And to everyone who reviewed, thanks so much for your support in this.

Would like to thank Roundabout of Red Roses. You know why, Red.

* * *

"What!"  
Peter was enraged, stood up from his throne. He wasn't a man of quick temper, but who wouldn't be, given this particular... information.

"That is the stars as I have watched them, majesty," Glenstorm, standing in his ground bowed down to him. Edmund also got up from his throne, and he looked at Peter, who was restless.

"Glenstorm," he paused and looked at the knight. The centaur looked at the just king at his call.  
"Leave me and the high king," he said and the centaur bowed a deeper bow and turned around to exit the throne room. Edmund turned his head from the leaving centaur to his brother, who was staring at him in disbelief.

"Do you think it's true at all?" he asked his younger brother. Peter was angry now. He doesn't know what he was angry at, or even who to be angry with. He looked at Edmund as if trying to follow his answer. Because he doesn't know what to believe.  
"I think we should send someone," he finally answered.  
"Who? We can't possibly send Lucy there," Peter said, thinking.  
"The only one who will understand probably is Rydia and we can't send her there now," Edmund added. The both of them kept quiet after that. They spun their heads around, trying to figure out a way.

"Well perhaps maybe we should send for them to come here?" And at his brother's words, Peter gave a him a look.  
"They're on their honeymoon, Ed," he pointed out. They both continued being silent and pacing.

"I don't care Pete I just want to be there as fast as I can," Edmund said, finally breaking as he hurried for the door.  
"No Ed we cannot!" Peter stopped his brother, moving fast enough. It was too fast, too unplanned of a plan.

Edmund just stared at him and opened his mouth to argue, but then the kings' heads turned as they heard the voice of their youngest sister beside them.

"What's all this?"

Both of the kings just stayed quiet for a moment, looking at each other and then back to Lucy again. She was 18, although her age convinced neither Peter nor Edmund that she was ready to hear their news. Lucy just looked at them, her hair falling on both sides of her face, wearing the green dress which she loves. And she kept on looking as her brother began telling her of what to come.

* * *

She stood there, crossing her arms in front of her abdomen and looked over the castle walls. She stood on the bedroom balcony, and that morning was hard for Susan, although luckily for her, Willan disappeared since yesterday afternoon. Today, any minute now, Caspian would be with her. Caspian will be coming back in a few seconds, she was sure of it.

A tap on her shoulders woke Susan from her thoughts.

"Waiting for your husband, dear?" Prunaprismia stood beside her, hand clasped and smiling at her niece-in-law.  
"He should arrive any moment now," Susan answered the lady after lowering her body. There was a moment of silence between the two of them, looking at the gates. He did not arrive yet.

"Now what is it you want to talk to me about?" she turned to Susan now, and narrowed her eyes in sign of curiosity.

"Yes well, I was wondering," Susan began. She silenced for a moment, but managed to continue. "I was just wondering how your present works," she said, trying to keep a straight face. Prunaprismia smiled at this, and then she started talking.

"Well you just hold it in your palms while engaging," she said it as if it was everyday chat. Susan choked for a bit.  
"Oh, well that's..." she was confused when her aunt finished her sentence.  
"Easy enough right?" Prunaprismia said as she grinned in happiness. "Don't feel at all pressured about this, Susan. You both are still young," she continued, looking down from the balcony again. Susan turned her body after a few seconds looking at her aunt.

"Yes," was all she managed to get out.  
"Well, dear I am going to go down. Will you come with me?" Prunaprismia asked her niece as she turned around.

"Oh, you go, I'll stay here for a second," she replied.  
Prunaprismia gave her a smile and walked away.

Susan touched the railings with her hands –the black stone was cold. Below her, the guards were walking around; unaware of what had happened in the last two days. She was quiet, even though her mind was far from it.

Millions of questions on her mind, eating her away; slowly slicing her flesh and tearing her soft skin with their sharp teeth. What if Willan did not keep his promise? What if Caspian knows? What if, what if, what if.

She shifted, and cringed at the unpleasantness she felt below her hips. But that would be her least troubling trouble. She continued to stare at the crowd below, waiting for her husband's return. A feast was prepared for tonight; the entire castle was bound for some celebration on the safe return of their king. When she felt the hoof beats on her feet, she quickly ran down and came out the castle, to the main square.

They were just arriving, and Caspian, astride Destrier, was in front of the group of men who had followed him. He had on a big smile on his lips, his cheekbones delightfully rising up to his lower eyelid. He stopped and the crowd cheered at his return. He got off from his horse, and kissed Prunaprismia's hand.

"Aunty," he said, looking into her eyes and smiling.  
"I'm glad you are home, Caspian," Prunaprismia gave him a big smile and kissed his cheek. Caspian then walked forward and shook Willan's arm.

"Willan," he said, and then he hugged him. The knight had on the same smile as his king, and when they broke it off, he patted Caspian's fore-arm.

"Back I see?" the knight remarked, smiling wide.  
"And very much alive," he replied him, still smiling. The crowd silenced a bit, and the two men still held their smile. And they were about to walk inside when suddenly from the same direction they were heading for, the young queen ran out with a wide smile.

Susan held her dress in her hands, her loose long hair blown back and her crown was on top of her head, like always. She had on the sunlight-yellow dress he loved, and bits of flowers were woven into her braid. She was running, and all the time she ran from the balcony upstairs to the main courtyard, Susan felt like she held her breath. Although a smile was on her face, Susan did not say anything except for the completely overjoyed expression she had on. She was so happy; she was not able to calm herself. And when Caspian was merely meters away from her, Susan screamed in pure joy.

Caspian, hearing the scream, turned his head and instantly smiled at the sight of his wife. He braced himself for her embrace, and she put her arms around him so fiercely. She sunk her face onto his neck as if it was not enough and never going to be. He kissed her shoulders, head sinking away from his actual height and they silenced. He was all around her, and that made her happy. Knights and footmen, including some of the lords who had welcomed Caspian's return smiled at the happy couple.

"I miss you," she said to him, still burying her face on him.  
"I am here now," he said, eyelids closed and breathing in the scent of her. He then opened his eyes and Susan had on a grin that made him smile.

"Yes, you are," she said. And with a huge smile on their face, the newlywed kissed. The crowd behind them cheered happily and the both of them turned to the crowd for a second before heading back to the building behind them. Caspian put his arm on Susan's waist, and she put her arm on his back, her other hand on the front of his chest.

They walked slowly into their residence, smiles on their face and on a slow pace.

"How are you?" he asked, facing her.

"I'm well," she lied to his face. Caspian was not aware of the lie, and he smiled at his wife's answer.  
"What have you been up to?" he asked again. He still looked at Susan, waiting for an answer. She paused before she answered this. What answer did she have to say? She had no idea.  
"Nothing much, really," she finally said. And unlike the lie before, her husband noticed this one.

"What? Was Willan rude to you?" he asked her, concerned.  
"Of course not Caspian, why would you say that?" her tone was calming and she was surprised at that. She looked at her husband, who was silent at the moment. Caspian knew Willan was not the happiest of people when he found out that Caspian and Susan were getting married. All Caspian knows is that it was a feeling of loss of a friend. Clearly this was wrong.

"Why are you so pale, darling? Have you eaten breakfast yet?" he asked her, stopping his steps now.  
"I was actually looking forward to eating with my husband," she answered.  
"Well say no more then, let's eat," he said then. Caspian took a firm hold of Susan's hand and walked to the dining room. They greeted everyone who bowed to them and when they got to the dining area, some of the cooks stopped and bowed down to the couple.

"Forgive us, your majesties, but lunch is not yet ready," one of the woman said. She had red hair and a tired expression on her face.  
"Oh never mind us. Please, carry on with your preparations and we will wait here," Caspian said. The cook then bowed once again before continuing the process. Caspian pulled a chair for his wife.

"Susan, I have to speak with you," he said to her, and she turned her head.  
"What about?" she asked back. When he did not answer right away, she grinned wide.

"If this is about apologizing for leaving me, I suggest you stop, dear husband,"

Caspian stared at her for while in disbelief.  
"Well I am sorry," he said again, and he took her hand in his. "Do you forgive me?" He said, his voice softer than before.  
"Of course I forgive you," she answered him, and they stared at each other for a while in smiles and he kissed her hand.  
They ate their lunch as soon as it arrives; buttered fish fillet with herbs and boiled spiced vegetables.

"Tell me what you have been up to," Caspian said as he put a piece of fish flake into his mouth.  
"Oh Caspian it's such a bore," she said, also putting her fish flake to swallow.

"I want to know anyway," he answered, cutting the carrot on his plate.  
"Well," Susan began, forking a cut of leek, "I wrote to Cair," she continued while he listened.  
"I chatted with your aunt, and I plan on looking through the castle today," she put a bite into her mouth, "but that can wait, now that you're back here," she said.

"Oh tomorrow's fine darling. I'll ride with you there," he offered.  
"I'd like that," she answered him.  
"What did you talk about with my aunt?" he said as he swallowed another bite. Susan paused a bit.

"How to use the, uhh.." she paused again, and Caspian looked up from his plate.  
"The fertility charm?" he asked her, a smirk on his face.

"I see that you are still finding this amusing," she said, laughing herself.  
"Well is it not to be found that way?" he said, still smirking.

"Actually I think it's sweet of her," she said, looking at him.  
"It's part of the family tradition," he explained. "The women must have their own fertility charm custom made. She must've had it made for you, now that you're part of my family," he said and she smiled.

They continued their lunch chatting about things, confirming plans on the celebration dinner tonight, although Susan did not bring up the topic of the problem in the east yet. She figured, that topic can wait.

The rest of the day they spent in their bedroom. Caspian took a short bath and put on a light purple shirt and brown breeches. He settled in on his side of the bed with a book and sat there. He opened his arm when Susan climbed into bed.

This awkwardness was somewhat tipped. Susan was sure her husband did not feel any awkwardness whatsoever, and that is both comforting and making her insecure at the same time. Comforting because this all seemed effortless to him, like they've been doing this for years when in fact, the two of them had never spent time together in a bedroom. They have not been with each other, have not lain with each other, all that. They've kissed before, but nothing more. And knowing that he wasn't awkward when he should've been was making Susan easing into this a lot easier. At least one of them was not weird with this.

He took her in his arm with his other hand holding the book. He smelled of summer, and the depth of his scent was so signature Caspian. His skin, so favorably tan and beautiful. His hair; soft, waves of black. She rested herself on the pillow and his arm behind her, and she bent her knees with her one arm around them, the other on his chest. She nuzzled her cold feet onto the warmth of his soft fabric breeches. She stared into his face, his skin so perfect and the stubble on his lower jaw, his beautiful neck, and his shoulders, so broad and strong. She then stared at his eyes and stopped.

He was tired. She knew that. Bags were underneath his eyes, replacing the tight skin that used to be his lower eyelid.

"You need to get some rest, Caspian," she said to him.  
"I just," he paused. "Want to catch up on some reading," he said again, smiling at her.  
"You read every night. Just take a light nap," she suggested.  
"I will be fine, Susan. You seem tired yourself. Why don't you sleep, and I'll wake you up for the dinner," he said, smiling and cupping her jaw. He kissed her, a quick, brief kiss and she smiled.

"Don't overwork your body, please. You are aware this is supposed to be a vacation, right darling?" she said to him

"Fully aware of that, my queen," he answered jokingly. Susan began to pull away and settled on her side of the bed, but Caspian's arm pulled her closer and she ended up closer to him. She looked at him, unaware of what he was doing at first. When she noticed what it was, Susan smiled and closed her eyes, rested her head on his shoulder. Her eyelids hurt when she closes them, sign of tiredness and their exhaustion. She exhaled and felt like it was a breath of fresh air. Finally next to him again. He was her rock.  
Caspian stared at his wife and smiled as she fell asleep. He kissed her eyelids and after a while of reading, he finally slept too.

* * *

The knights were already in the dining room, and the chairs behind the long table were seated except for the two monarchs'. Prunaprismia came in just before Caspian and Susan. The knights stood up as the three of them came in to the formal dining area.

"Greetings gents," Caspian said and the men sat down. Prunaprismia then was escorted by Willan to her seat which was on Caspian's right side, and after she was seated, Willan took the seat beside Susan.

She kept her calm. At least Caspian was right beside her. She sat down, and they all began adjusting their napkins. She stopped as Willan stood up.

"Pardon me, your majesties but allow me to say a few words," he said as he raised up his goblet. Caspian took hold of Susan's right hand and paid attention to one of his high knights as he spoke.

"You have ruled us for a little over 4 years, and in those times I am saying that as a servant and friend, I am proud of your majesty," he said, and the rest of the men smiled. He continued.  
"And tonight, this celebration symbolizes the very same thing that I have been proud of all these times. Your majesty has proven once again his true chivalry and noble manner, and that is to protect Narnia from all that comes in the way of her peace," he paused, "even when it is in the middle of your honeymoon," he lowered his voice. He smirked and Caspian smirked with him, Prunaprismia showed an expression of mixed feelings, between proud of his king nephew, and disappointed that he had to leave his wife; she knew for a fact that she did not bring him up to treat women that way. Either way, she still smiled.

"And we thank Aslan for guiding him safely back to us, and for blessing upon him, a good wife," he looked at Susan, whose forced smile was painfully visible.

"And with that, this toast is for Caspian the tenth," he looked at the rest of the men and then to his friend, "A brave and well ruler, a beloved king, and glorious may his reign be," he paused again.

The men clapped, and Caspian raised his goblet, along with Susan and they drank their first sip.

And then the first course was served. A plate of chilled soup; lightly spiced cucumber. Susan enjoyed it, but then it added the chill of the evening as the pillars were opening their view to the rest of Narnia. Her dress was somewhat modest; she had on long sleeves and the neckline a V over her shoulders; nothing too revealing, but it still made her cold. She ate her soup, trying to calm herself from fear as to how close Willan was next to her. Caspian was also beside her though, but he did not know that she was afraid.

"What do you think? Too much?" Willan said, referring to his speech.

"It's quite alright," she replied, and then drinking from her goblet. Willan looked at Caspian who was still chatting with his aunt, Prunaprismia cupping his jaw in motherly affection and he smiled, and they continued chatting for a while. Susan was quieter. And then Caspian smiled and took her hand in his. They talked in whispers; giggling and laughing at jokes only they understand. Second course came right after the soup, and the rest of the table was busy chatting with each other, while Willan chatted with a fellow knight on his left, he could not ignore the fact that the both of them was so happy, in their own little world just to his right.

"You are beautiful," he said to her, facing her and his voice so low.  
"Would you have me any other way?" she teased him.  
"Every other way, every day darling," he said, voice low and face pretending to be serious. He smiled a smile Susan loved so much. He kissed her, and when they broke it off Susan stared at his lips and paused.

"You taste of wine," she laughed.  
"Is it not to your liking, majesty?" he teased her back.  
"Oh," she paused. "On the contrary, king," she leaned in. "I quite like it,"

"Well you taste of you," he paused and he gave her a quick kiss. "And I assure you darling, I like you better than any other wine I have ever tasted,"  
Caspian smiled at her, and she smiled back. They went back to eating their meal when suddenly Susan shivered.

She clutched Caspian's hand tight and paled.  
Susan froze in her seat, while at the corner of his eyes; Willan looked at her while swallowing his bite. Caspian looked at her for a moment before asking her.

"Something wrong, darling?" he asked her, unaware of what was going on. Susan shrugged as she felt the shivers vibrated from the top of her spine until it disappeared somewhere on the back of her stomach. Willan still looked at them from the corner of his eye, waiting for the answer.  
"Oh no, just a little cold here, isn't it?" she said as she picked up her goblet and touched her mouth to the brim. Willan smirked.  
"Need I fetch your covers?" Caspian asked, and Susan put her hand on his arm.  
"It won't be necessary, darling," she answered, smiling. Caspian inspected her face, and when she did not budge, he went back to eating.

Susan also went back to her plate, and as she cut the food in front of her, Susan spoke up.

"I always knew you are heartless, I didn't know you are also a fool," She said to him, not looking up from her knife and fork.  
"Why not now? And I am far from foolish, woman," he said, his left hand lifted his goblet.  
"I suggest you stop now before an armed king knows of what you're doing," she said, pretending not to be disturbed.  
"Oh I'm not at all worried about him," he continued, "Look at him, Susan," gesturing to Caspian who was happily laughing with his aunt. He continued. "So happy and so innocently unaware of all this. He will never know," Willan said again as he continued his doings.

"So I am not worried about him. What I'm worried about is you enjoying this too much," he said as he laughed.

"You disgust me," Susan replied him, she did not look up from her plate. She paused her eating, and the look on her eyes was begging him to stop.  
"I disgust you?" he said, gesturing to her. "I am not the one who sits by my husband while another man pleasures me," he was angry at the end of his sentence, and his twisting fingers beneath her skirt caught Susan's breath.

She gasped and fisted her palm on both sides of her plate, trying to lift her body but was not able to. Willan smiled at this. Nobody noticed Susan's reactions, and this somewhat relieved her. She crossed her legs, and a few times he tried to do it again, but Susan held her breath, or tried to mask it by coughing occasionally.  
She was scared that he would tell Caspian if she tried to do something, but Susan was not going to stand by and let him do it in front of Caspian. Not him. Not now.

And so when Caspian smiled at her in the middle of his meal, Susan played her lips as best as she can and smiled back.

* * *

**So what do you guys think? Reviews are very much (if not more) appreciated. You're all writers, you know what they mean, right?**


	6. Chapter 6

You Haven't Lost Me Yet

Chapter 6

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and a few of my own OCs.**

**Author's Note : It's finally here, chapter 6! Sorry it took so long, folks; school had just started and everything's always so busy at the start of the new semester. Now that it's here, read and tell me what you think!**

* * *

Susan sat on the chair behind her vanity. She took off her earrings and sat with her legs closed tight. She stared at her own reflection in the gold-framed mirror in front of her, her blank stare seemed endless. She suddenly remembered what Willan said to her at the dinner, and she remembered what he did. What he forced her to do, what he forced her to be. An adulterer.

She quickly shook it all off when she heard the door opened and she saw who it was through the mirror.

"Are you sure now? Because I know you've obviously been busy guarding the night shift the past two days," Susan heard Caspian said.  
"Don't worry about that, friend. You're the one who just got back from negotiating. You go sleep, and I'll be here if you need me," Willan answered him.

Caspian looked at his friend and eventually smiled as he walked inside his room. The door shut behind him, and when he saw Susan sitting by the vanity, Caspian smiled.

"Who were you talking to?" She pretended to ask although she already knew.

"Willan," Caspian said as he looked at his wife.  
"He insisted on guarding tonight," Caspian answered her, walking across the room and taking his doublet off. He laid the clothing on the bed and stared at his wife as he did so; Susan picking out the clip she had on her hair, with one tug locks of her hair were loose to its natural length just below her waist. She continued on combing her hair until she saw him looking at her through her reflection on the mirror. She smiled when she noticed this and let out a nervous sigh.

"What?" she asked him, stopping the strokes of hair comb on her locks.  
"Well I am allowed to look at my wife, am I not?" he asked, laughing and walking towards her. This made Susan nervous.

"I suppose," she said after a pause, teasing him, and continued to smooth her chocolate waves. She then looked at him and they both smiled.  
"I'm going to take a bath," he said. She replied simply by saying, "I'll be here," Caspian then entered the other room and moments later, splashes of water were heard. When he entered their bedroom once more, he was all ready in his night shirt and silk breeches. Susan, seeing that he has finished, got up from her seat and set up her clothes. Caspian laid on the bed and pried himself up with his elbow. He looked at her; walking across the room, laying out her clothes, each step was gracefully decorated with the blow of her hair backwards. And when the bathroom door shut behind her, Caspian took hold of the book he left on his night stand. He opened the page which he put his gold piece of carved metal of a bookmark (it was a gift from Prunaprismia when he was just able to read when he was a boy) and he fixed his posture and rested his back to the set of pillows behind him. Something came up in his mind, and he called her name out.

"Susan?" he said, half-yelling.  
"Yes?" she called out from the bathroom, the voice echoed a bit. She had just dipped into the cool water and began rubbing the soap onto her skin.  
"Are you still up for looking inside the castle tomorrow?" he yelled out again.  
"I am," she said loudly. She then heard no answer, and then she splashed the water to clean herself and got out of the tub. She put on her white night dress and when she's done, Susan looked at the mirror beside the tub. She held on to the sink and breathed through her mouth. Her shivers were from both the cool air and her being nervous.  
"_Alright Susan. You can do this. I know you can, I know you can_," she assured herself. She then tightened her fists and walked out of the bathroom, peeking her head out a little to see if he was asleep. He was not. Caspian smiled happily when he saw her coming out. He closed his book and put it back on the nightstand where it was.

"Will you still ride there with me?" she asked him, settling into the bed and into his opened arms which he opened for her. She hugged her knees and felt the warmth of her palms on her cold calves.  
"Of course I will," he answered her, and they kissed.  
The kiss was sweet and cool, not the usual peck on the lips but not the passionate lustful kisses Susan shivered at when she looked at people doing it. It was their kiss. Susan and Caspian's kiss. He hugged her closer, and he felt her skin on him.  
"mm, you're tired," she remarked when they broke it off. His arms were around her, and they slumped together on the pillows behind them. She traced her fingers on his eyes, the black circles under them was painfully visible.

"And you're cold," he said, hugging her closer.  
"I have the blanket under us and you. I'm sure I'll be alright," she said and Caspian agreed silently. "What did they want, the east?" she asked him.  
"It's actually pretty confusing," he began. "They were arguing about the stars, to be honest," he continued.  
"The stars?" she asked him, and he nodded.  
"They thought they saw something that will be..." he paused. "Inconvenient, but they soon shrugged it off, saying things like I should not be worried, and false alarm, and things like that. Instead, they celebrated in the unity of us," he laughed. "They had a ritual set up for me in honor of our marriage. They gave me three hours of sleep the first night, and two the next," he said.

"Inconvenient?" she asked him, alert. "Did they tell you the reason?"  
"They didn't, once I got there they were already preparing for the whole feast," Caspian said to her.  
"We should probably write to Cair about this, see that Glenstorm inspects of it," she suggested.  
"I already have. I didn't believe them for a second," he continued. "Sent the letter out this morning when I arrived," he said to her. Susan then smiled, pleased at this. She didn't say anything, but then after she realized the fact that was itching her, she did.

"Five hours of sleep in forty eight hours?"she asked him, laughing. "You should really get some rest, Caspian," she said to him.  
"I don't," he answered quietly, and that made Susan turn her head.

He kissed her and it was passionate. He cupped her jaw and pulled her closer to him, and she pulled him closer to her. They sat up from their slumping position, and abruptly Susan broke it off. She gasped and he straightened himself.

"I'm sorry," she said to her, looking down.  
"What are you sorry for?" Caspian searched for her eyes, he touched her cheek and looked at her.

"I need to talk to you," she finally said after he stared. He frowned with his eyebrows raised; confused.  
"I'm already listening," he said to her.

Susan shrugged. She fixed her posture, and she leaned in. She touched Caspian's hands with hers in front of her bended-sideways legs, and she frowned. She didn't want to be telling her husband this, but it is the truth. She shrugged a couple times, still, and Caspian did not budge from his expression. She sounded serious, and so he would be, too.

"Susan what's wrong?" he asked, searching for her eyes again. There was a moment of silence, but he waited patiently.

"I never planned on saying this to my husband," she began. "I know you have.. expectations of me, and the people have expectations of me—"  
"The people does not have any expectations of you other than being a good queen and a truthful ruler," his tone was stern. "Which you already are," he said.

"They do, Caspian, they do. And I know your aunt has her expectations of me, and the fertility charm, and even my siblings have theirs, with Rydia pregnant and all—"  
Her sentence was not finished, but Caspian started laughing.  
He laughed his usual free, loud, open laugh; a laugh he laughed often when he was with her; a happy laugh. An amused laugh, so carefree and wild.

"I am amused at your amusement in everything, husband," she said, keeping a straight face although she was laughing inside, too.  
"Oh, Susan!" he then said, his face red from laughing. "You do not have to worry about that at all, darling," when he said this, a part of Susan lit up; relieved. But then he continued.

"We will have children when we are ready to," The lit part of Susan suddenly lost its glow.  
"I can't believe you're having a hard time telling me this. I'm your husband! You're my wife! I love you! Of course we will have kids someday, but not until you are ready," he said.  
"Ah, yes, but," she stammered. "See, see having children is not exactly the thing that I am not ready for, now," she said. Caspian returned to his confused face. "What do you mean?" he asked her, leaning in.

"Caspian," she called his name, begging, hoping for him to understand. "I can't do this tonight," she said.

"Can't do what, darling?" he took her hand and was still confused. Susan gestured her head to the bed and he followed her gesture, only to stare at her again. When his eyes widen and his brows rose, Susan knew he understood.  
"I'm sorry please," she said, head bowing to him.  
"Please don't treat me as your king right now, Susan. I'm your husband," he said to her. The both of them kept quiet for a moment.

"Well maybe we can do something about it?" he suggested.  
"Do what, Caspian?" she asked back, her voice pleading. Caspian thought for a moment before coming up with an answer.  
"Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked, almost desperate. When Susan shook her head, Caspian was silent.

"Maybe we can try.. different things?" he said again. Susan looked at him, confused although not totally closed to the idea.  
"I don't know, maybe we can approach it in a slower manner, Susan," he paused. "How about we lay some ground rules? Would that make it more adjustable for you?" he said. Susan laughed after a while staring at his face. She realized that he was serious, and she laughed aloud, realizing how silly this is. The both of them ended up laughing.

"How is this happening," Susan asked aloud.  
"Well how about some..properties?" she shook her head.  
"Well what exactly is it that you're not ready for?" he asked.

_I was raped yesterday and today at dinner, that's what._

"Susan please answer me. This is exactly the sort of thing that we must work together on," he said to her.  
"It's just that I'm worried you won't be pleased," she lied to his face.  
"Well that's hardly worth worrying, darling. We'll talk about it," he paused, "How do you like your-"  
"Caspian," she cut him off with a laughter.  
"Well I understand," he said.  
"I apologize,"  
"Non-sense," he continued. "I'm your husband now, aren't I?" he continued and she still kept quiet. Susan looked down, shutting her mouth; refusing to answer her husband's question. After a moment of waiting, Caspian straightened up his back and grinned.

"I will wait," he said, kissing her forehead. Susan froze under his kiss.

"You will?" she asked him.  
"Of course I will! Why would I not?" Caspian asked her, grinning wide.  
"I don't know," she still froze. He laughed again.  
"Susan, I understand if you feel like this. Besides, to be honest I was kind of nervous too," his tone was light, and he played with her hair.  
"You were?" she asked him in disbelief.  
"Of course I was! If it was going to be with you then I had to make sure you're pleased," he said, grinning.  
"That is somewhat…assuring," she said and smiled at his laugh.  
"The point is, I understand that we both have to be ready. And so I will wait," he said. Susan smiled at this.

"And I swear my complete fidelity," Caspian continued. He didn't see this, but Susan's stare was full of guilt. She looked to the pillows for a while, but then Susan asked a question she had just realized.

"Why would you ever be nervous?" she asked him, amusement in her expression.  
"I don't know, why are you?" Caspian asked her, moving his position, getting ready for his sleep.

"I don't know," she answered this quietly and she looked at her hands.

"Maybe you just need practice?" he asked. Seconds later after their eyes met, a mischievous grin was on his face. Susan looked at him and was afraid, yet she smiled. She knew what was going on in her husband's mind.

"Oh no," at this he sat straight, "Oh no no no no, Caspian!" she yelled as she tried to stand up, but of course that failed as he pulled her abruptly by the waist, closer to him and hugged her so tight while pinning her down to the pillow.  
"Show me your moves, woman!" he yelled and she laughed so hard, her feet kicking up in the air as they kissed and laughed. She laughed and he laughed with her, her playful shrieks filled the entire room with happiness and joy of the newlywed.

And outside the room Juan Willan stood there, hearing the happiness of his king and queen, and he smiled to the floor although his heartache ate him alive with every happy laugh he heard out of their room.  
He left and finally did what his friend told him to do; sleep.

* * *

Susan smiled when she saw the breakfast served at the private dining area. There was something so rustic about Telmarine cuisine, and she loved it. Soft boiled eggs with salt and white pepper, a loaf of freshly baked bread on a center of a wooden cutting board, and around it; a selection of cold meats and cheeses. Spiced vegetables are also available, and this kind of breakfast is Caspian's favorite. She looked at him who was pleased, and he looked at her.

"I assume you're behind this?" he asked, and when she smiled in return, they kissed.

Caspian then pulled a chair for her and they sat next to each other. She pulled a napkin and put it on her lap, adjusting her posture before taking a fork and began picking through the selections strewn in front of them.

After breakfast they freshen up. Susan pinned her hair into a bun and Caspian waited for her in the stables. When she got out her horse was ready for her, and they rode together.

She lifter her leg to the saddle and sat herself straight. Caspian, after guarding her, got up on Destrier. The trip was going to be private, because she noticed not many guards followed them. But when she knew that Caspian's best knight was one of the few to come, Susan tried not to look completely annoyed.

"Must the guards come with us?" she asked him.  
"They don't, if you don't want them to," he said. He continued. "But there's hardly any guard coming, Susan. Only Willan, you don't mind surely?" Caspian asked his wife, his brows rising and his eyes narrowing.

"Of course not, he's your friend," Susan said quickly as she took the reins and rode away with her horse. Destrier followed with Caspian, and so did Willan. The knight stayed behind the two of them, Susan riding in front with her horse on a steady pace, and Caspian quickly caught up with her, the both of them chatting and laughing beside one another, while Willan rode his horse behind them.

He tried.  
He really did.  
He looked straight ahead as any guard would; let alone a knight direct to the king and queen. He lifted his chin, sat straight on his horse, and his mouth; a straight line stretched from one end of his face to the other end. He looked ahead, and he kept his ears sharp at the sound of any movements just in case it was an enemy's.

But when no one is looking and Susan and Caspian was laughing, Willan looked down to the ground, and opened the stretched line to let out a breath. And when they arrived at the castle, Willan got off his horse faster than he ever did as if that doing would give him fresh air he's been so lacking of.

"You go in first darling, I'll catch up," Willan heard Caspian said.  
"Alright," Susan answered as she smiled and squeezed her husband's palm before heading inside.

Juan Willan kept fixing the ropes of the reins, buckling and tightening what was loose. He looked straight to the brown leather ropes.

"Willan," he heard his name called. Willan turned around from his horse and faced the one man he knew as his true friend. The one man he knew his whole life.

"My king?" he asked, smiling as only he would. When he saw Caspian's expression, Willan's smile began to fade. And as the Telmarine king said his next words, Juan Willan felt his heart froze and readied himself for whatever will come.

"I need to talk to you,"

* * *

**Hey everyone, please tell me what you think! Sorry for the long period without updating, once again. Don't forget to tell me your opinion!**


	7. Chapter 7

You Haven't Lost Me Yet  
Chapter 7

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and my own OCs.**

* * *

"I am listening, my lord," Juan Willan answered after staring at the king for a while. His expression did not show any kind of anxiousness.

"I want to ask from you a favor," he said to his knight.  
"What kind of favor, majesty?" Willan asked him, curious. He still smiled. Caspian paused before he answered.

"Before I tell you, keep in mind that I am asking this of you as a friend and a trustworthy knight," he said to him.  
"Yes I am well aware of that," Willan said, his expression not changing.

"I want you to give a message from the king to the medicine man. Or in this case, medicine woman," he corrected himself.  
"No problem at all, my lord. And what message shall I give?"

Willan leaned in as the king's voice grew quieter due to the secretiveness. At first he did not hear what Caspian was saying.

But when he did, the one thing Juan Willan did not feel was remorse.

* * *

The both of them walked hand in hand down the castle corridors. They chatted, made some small talks which the both of them were delighted to have, and Susan often laughed at what her aunt-in-law has to say.

"I assume he is a good husband to you, is he not?" Prunaprismia said, her voice thick with accent. She smiled when she said this. There was something about her coyness. She walked with a smile, looking down to the floor.  
"He is," Susan said after looking at her aunt for a while.

"Well I am glad, then," the lady said to her niece-in-law. "I always knew that boy will be a good man," she continued her words.  
"Why, because he seemed like a good man when compared to the rest of the lords?" Susan asked, the question came out casual and she laughed.

"Exactly," Prunaprismia answered and they both laughed. She continued. "But when you compare someone to Telmarine Lords, who wouldn't seem weak?" she then continued after laughing,  
"A weak person is not a good Telmarine, and a good Telmarine is not a good person ," Prunaprismia said.  
"Ah, yes but a good Telmarine will never be a good ruler, am I right?" Susan said to her aunt. Prunaprismia stared at her for a while, and then a smile formed on her face.

"Exactly what I was going to say. Wow dearest, Caspian may have married a woman who is far smarter than he is," Prunaprismia said as they both laughed once more.

A few steps in silence before another subject came up to their conversation.

"Shall we eat first or do you want to look around now?" the lady asked.  
"I've already eaten," Susan answered.  
"Well then let's go," Prunaprismia said as she picked up her pace.

"Shouldn't we wait for Caspian?" Susan asked her, quickly following her pace.  
"He will catch up dear," the lady answered her question. "Now, come along,"

And with that, the castle tour began.

Susan noticed how the Telmar castle was very different from Cair. It had black furnishings and was dominant of stone; the buildings and towers seemed so 'tough' and muscular. It seemed hard, like Miraz's personality. Everything looked arrogant and from where it stand; alone. The castle buildings were mostly stones, and sharp decorations. But however tough it may seem, something about Telmar was home to Susan. Maybe it was Prunaprismia who radiated warmth to her, and maybe it was also all the Narnians who moved here to help and to regroup (this was part of Peter's plan for both sides to get to know each other better and learn to work together,) and because of that, flowers are appearing as daily decorations, red velvet rugs are lain out and red-gold Narnian flags are hung atop each building and tower. She noticed how the stone floor made sounds as her heels stepped on them. She noticed the stone pillars, similar to the white marble pillars stood at Cair. And before she knows it, they stopped at the square.

Susan noticed this place. It was the same place the Narnians fought the Telmarines on the night of the castle raid.  
Everything was still the same, except when the raid happened it was night-time, and already dark, so everything seemed blacker back then. It was open and surrounded with the corridors she and Peter once walked on with the Lion Himself.

"This is the square, its original intention is to hold balls and great post-war feasts, but the reality is, it is for every Telmarine to join in case of judgements. I can't see it holding feasts or parties in the first place. Who would hold celebrations here anyway?" Prunaprismia explained to her.  
"Judgements?" Susan asked, trying to confirm what she is thinking.

"The execution of judgements," the lady cleared her diction.  
Susan stared at her, still not clear of what her aunt is saying.

"The slicer is through there," Prunaprismia gestured to one of the tall wooden building on the far right.  
"And the rope hangers, there," she gestured to the far left.

Susan just realized what that meant. She did not realize what it meant until just now.

"Are all those really necessary?" she asked her, her voice not quivering at all.  
"We used to do this, but only to those who deserves the right to be; no matter how ruthless we are, we're still people," Prunaprismia explained.

"Deserves the right to be punished?"  
"Corrupts, adulterers, treason and the usual, dear," she answered, her gaze straight to the field in front of them. Her eyes were sad. The way Prunaprismia was brought up, those kinds of 'execution of the law' was almost daily movies for her. Every lords and even her father, (her father being the lord in the Telmarine board) agreed on this. But deep in her heart, Prunaprismia screamed. She did not agree one bit. And at first, she thought being the wife of the king's brother would change a few things, maybe it would give her a voice.  
But over the years, she finally learned to just be quiet.

Susan did not say anything.

"Oh we don't do that anymore, darling," she continued, her head turning to Susan. "Not since Caspian's reign. I knew I raised him right," Prunaprismia continued.  
"Nobody has the right to take away another life," she paused, "even Aslan does not," she continued.  
"Yes," Susan smiled at the sound of his name. Prunaprismia still had the sad look on her face, her mournful gaze to the field in front of them.

"Susan," she called her name.  
"Yes?"  
There was a pause before the lady was able to speak.  
"I pray you and your siblings don't bear any kind of revenge to me or my husband," she said quietly.  
"Of course not. Especially now. We are a family," Susan answered her. Seeing that her aunt did not respond, Susan decided to give her some time and quieted. And then it hit her.

Prunaprismia was not afraid of being revenged against.  
She was sorry.

"You know," she said, her voice shaky. "I wasn't aware of any of my husband's doings," she said again. "I'm not trying to defend myself, Susan. I know I have somehow taken a part of Miraz's evil by not stopping him, I should have known everything he did since he did it,"  
"Do not blame yourself, dear aunt. You have no idea of what he was doing,"  
"No, Susan," her tone calm. "It is not me I worry about,"

Susan asked a soundless 'then what?' through her expression.  
There was a moment of silence before she started speaking again.

"He was 7," she continued. "he used to cry every night. He doesn't let anyone know about this though, he used to come to breakfast in the morning, trying so hard to smile. And every one of the lords fell for his mask, including my husband," she paused. "But I did not," Prunaprismia said.  
"He used to have nightmares about his father. He also did not let anyone know about this," she paused. "But I know," she said.  
"I used to come to his room at night, to offer him warm milk when he was a child. And there he was, weeping quietly. At the age of thirteen Caspian slipped out of his room at night to study the stars with the professor. He enjoyed that, and slowly he became the man I know him to be," she smiled, nostalgic about things. Her smile was proud of her nephew.  
"And I am sorry that he has to go through my husband's doings without me helping him,"

"Don't feel that way, dear aunt. You know," Susan said, "he talks about you," she smiled. Susan then remembered all the times Caspian mentioned to her how his aunt was the person who saved him from insanity.

_"Aunt Prunaprismia did not know anything of my uncle's evil, though. I've always known she was a good person,"_

_"She saved me from going insane. My father died, I did not know my mother, and the only uncle I had seemed to hate me. I did not have any brothers or sisters, I wasn't allowed outside the castle. That and having to watch the lords deciding to execute laws and seeing people's head cut off everyday of my life_. _So yes she did save me from all of it,"_

"Really?" Prunaprismia smiled.  
"Yes," Susan answered, "he always says to me how you are so good to him. He doesn't know his mother at all, and I think that's why you are so dear to him. He sees you as a mother, and he still does," Susan said. The lady looked at him for a minute.

"Well that does it," Prunaprismia laughed as she wiped the drops of water down her cheeks. "Dear girl you've made a woman cry today," and the both of them laughed.

"Shall we continue?"  
"We shall," And the both of them continued their walk inside the castle. They chatted along the way, talking about not-so-important things with Prunaprismia briefly explaining about the rooms they went into.

"Thank you," Prunaprismia said to the two guards in front of the door as they opened it for the two women.  
"This is,"  
"The throne room," Susan finished her sentence.  
"Yes," the lady smiled. "I'm sure it's all the same with every throne room in every castle, this is for judging, council meetings, and for more formal, diplomatic events, err," she continued after thinking, "diplomatic overseas visits and those sorts," she said again.  
"Yes," Susan said as she admired the decor.

Susan stared at all the chairs, the ornaments and engravings. The council chairs are of stone, and the backrest had a star on shaped also out of stone. She imagined having to sit there for hours on council meetings, and Susan thanked Aslan for pillows.

"Pardon me your majesty," Susan heard the housemaid whisper to Prunaprismia.  
"Oh dear I completely forgot," Prunaprismia then looked at Susan, "Susan I'm sorry, I need to go feed Miran," she said.  
"Oh that's alright," Susan said as she smiled.  
"You should go wait in Caspian's room. I'm sure he will go there at some point," Prunaprismia smiled to her as she left. "South wing, second room to your left," she said as she left the room.  
"Okay," Susan answered, mostly to herself.

And as soon as the lady left the room, Susan was alone. She looked around the throne room once more before leaving.

* * *

She wandered around the corridors, looking around and peeking into some of the halls and dining areas she had passed through. Susan rather enjoyed the tour she was now going through alone. She remembered some parts of the castle now from the night of the raid as she got closer and closer to the royal chambers area. Last time she was here, things weren't quite as calm, nor are the people more welcoming of her attendance. The people passing her all bowed down and smiled widely to their new king's queen. Each time they did, Susan smiled back and still smiled to herself when they had passed. She spent so much time learning ways to fight these men, she never imagined they would be smiling to her and bowing down and be happy for her now.

And so Susan wandered around, on her way to the south wing. And as she got closer, things are coming up to the surface of her mind. The more she got closer, the more she remembers. And finally, through the great hall where great balls and great feasts and celebrations are held, Susan walked past it and entered the grand threshold to the castle's south wing.  
She began to wonder where Caspian is, but she quickly shook that thought away.

_He's probably walked around the castle, poor Caspian, it's been so long since he's been here,_ she thought as she walked past a few steps of stairs. She noticed the flags have been replaced since the last time she was here; the flags hung on the castle walls now are the ones Susan was familiar with; the real Narnian flags. And she smiled.  
Susan then stood before a grand hallway; muscular pillars stood on the right and left side of it, and on the walls; big, Narnian flags with their familiar red and orange color. Since it was still daylight, the torches were not lit. Across the rooms; the huge glassless windows viewing all of Narnia. The ceilings were high, and on the left side of the hall were the rooms.  
There were 2 rooms in the corridor Susan stood before, and each was guarded by guards. Susan walked along the long hallway, passing the first room with a smile for her from the guards.

"Morning, gentlemen," she greeted them, and the guards smiled widely back at her, bowing, making their armors clink. Their heads followed her as she got further and further towards the second room.

"Your majesty," the two men bowed down at the sight of her.  
The left guard was about the same age as the general Glozelle,his shoulders broad and his hair darker than his eyes. He stood straight, although his facial expression softened as he saw the queen. The right one was blonde, roughly the same age, maybe older by a year or so. He stood straight with shoulders broad also. Susan smiled at their greeting.

"I take it this is my husband's room?" she asked.  
"Indeed, your majesty," the left guard said, smiling at her and bowing his head.  
"Hmm," she paused for a moment.  
"Is your majesty's intention to go inside?" the right guard asked her.  
"I will, but if it's not too much trouble I ask you answer my question, sir..?"

"Anzal, majesty, and he Aral," the right one said. "We are brothers," he added again.  
"Well, fine sirs, I was just wondering who is the occupant of the room to this' left?" she asked. Aral answered her.

"Well it was occupied by King Caspian the ninth until the terrible thing happened when our King Caspian was so young," Aral answered. Susan quieted.  
"When was this?" she asked again, her tone dead.  
"I think about 9, 11 years ago? Me and my brother were new to the military," Aral explained.  
"The young prince didn't know anything of what happened, and so did we," Anzal added.  
"But now the room is empty, my queen. No occupants," Anzal said again.

Susan quieted and looked down for a minute.  
When she looked up, she was smiling again.

"Thank you, Sir Anzal and Sir Aral. Now, may I go in?" she grinned.  
"Certainly, your majesty," Aral answered her and they both smiled at Susan before opening the double door.

"Thank you, gentlemen," she said before entering the room.

She stepped in and was surprised to see the housemaid there. She had black hair and was quite plump, an elderly. From the looks of her, she was older than Prunaprismia by a year or two.  
"Oh! My queen! I am so sorry, I was just cleaning the room because I heard you and the king are coming, and.."  
"Please, don't mind me uhh.." she paused, "I'm sorry, your name is?"  
"Elvira, your majesty," she said. "Excuse me your majesty, I will be out of your hair at once," she muttered to herself some more.

"Elvira," Susan called.  
"Yes my queen?"  
"How long have you been working here?"  
"Well, since I was fourteen, my queen. About 30 years ago, if not more," she said.

Susan hesitated before asking this, but in her heart, Susan was aching.  
She kept thinking of what Prunaprismia said in the square, and she decided to ask.

"What was Caspian like back then?"  
Elvira smiled at this.

"Oh, your majesty. The king was very lively, I tell you. He was a fine young man if you ask me, so athletic, so handsome and clever, too! He hasn't change much in these things," Elvira grinned, proudly. "I used to be his sitter, my queen. And now I am so proud of him. It may not be my place to be, but I am. He has become a man of many things, but none of him is what his uncle were. Pardon me, your majesty, for speaking badly about the previous king, but I hated Miraz for what he did to the king," Elvira did not hesitate in speaking her mind.  
"It's quite alright. You were Caspian's sitter?"  
"Yes. Oh how I am proud of him, your majesty. Poor young prince, he cried every night since his father passed away. When he was a child, his cries were acceptable to the lords. They all were sympathetic of what happened to the prince. But then as he got older, if his uncle knew he'd been crying, lashes were a normal thing. Believe me, my queen even me and my friends cried at the sight of the prince. If it not for Lady Prunaprismia, his injuries would be far worse,"

Susan then was silent.  
"He received..lashes?"  
"Yes, and not so thrift of them I might add. I should know, I cleaned the wounds," Elvira said, her face sad.  
"When he was a child, lord Miraz did not do anything, bu as he got closer to receiving the throne, I think the lord felt he must do something to make the prince hesitant about claiming it. The lord used to say that lashes makes a king. But the prince took it all like a noble man, even before his age, showing up to meetings hiding everything,"

Susan did not say anything.

"Thank you, madam, for sharing this with me," Susan tried to smile.  
"My pleasure, your majesty," Elvira said as the woman left the room.

Susan then sat down on the bed and exhaled through her mouth. She was sad, hearing stories about how it was like.  
She had asked Caspian a few times hesitantly; she felt she shouldn't be too forward with her curiosity about this matter; it was personal and so Susan stopped asking him. Also she did not want him to feel what he shouldn't be feeling anymore.

It hurts Susan to hear Caspian treated like he was. Flashes of image of him being beaten kept showing in her head, and Susan cringed. Water was on the bottom of her vision, and Susan stood up.  
She then stared at the rest of the room, how the decorations were different from the rest of the castle. A big shelf was filled with books, and on his desk; a quill and parchments. Some have scribbles on them. Books about astrology lay opened on his desk as well, and a big telescope to the desk's left. She then walked over to the bookshelf.

There were some more books about astrology, science and some about the art of jousting, sword-fighting and mathematics, and she smiled as she saw some poetry book lined up. Then she noticed one being bookmarked.

_'History'_ it said.

She opened the page.  
It was a picture. Of Edmund, of Lucy of Peter and of her.  
Susan remembered that painting of them, the four of them had to stand up for so long for it to be done, and they all laughed when Edmund said he had to pee. It was a painting of them a few years into their reign, about 19 year-old Peter and 18 year-old her. Then Susan opened up the bookmarked page and took in the mildewed scent of paper. She had always loved a good old book.

And it was a painting of her.

She wore her ice-blue dress and she remembered what it felt like on her skin. The neckline was square and it had ruffles on the bodice. She loved the way it hung on her body, and how it floated on the floor when she walked. She also had on her cape with a miniature of Aslan, roaring. It was made of gold and it was used to tie on her cape. Her chocolate hair was longer than it is now; in the painting, the waves were to her knees.

Susan had never taken pride in her beauty, if anything, she was thankful for it. And as she looked at the bookmarked page, Susan smiled.

_'Susan,'_ the first line read.  
_'the gentle queen of the southern sun,' _the second line read.

Susan grinned at her title. And it was strange seeing a picture of herself in the age she is in now, knowing that the people knew her well.

"Here you are,"  
And as soon as she heard his voice, Susan closed the book and turned around.

* * *

**Author's Note: Hey everyone! Thanks for reading :) Sorry for the long period without posting. But it's finally here, chapter seven. No worried though, this story will be finished! Don't hesitate to tell me what you think. **


	8. Chapter 8

You Haven't Lost Me Yet

Chapter 8

* * *

**Disclaimer : I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and a few of my OCs.**

* * *

She closed the book and carried it with her as she walked towards the closed-door, where Caspian was standing on. He had a faint smile on his lips, and he just stood there; tall and straight. His eyes were on her, and he was confused when she suddenly pulled him into a fierce hug.

"What was that for?" he asked her.  
She did not reply, still pressed onto him. His arms were around her, and his chin on the top of her head.

"Are you alright, darling?" he asked her, putting a good distance between them to look into her eyes.  
"I am," she answered him. "Your aunt had already showed me some of the places,"  
"I take it you've seen the square?"  
"I have," Susan answered and they both were quieter. "Was it really for what your aunt told me it was?" Caspian then paused before answering. And as they walked around his room, only then had he answered her question.  
"I regret this every day," he paused. "But yes," he continued.

Susan was silent. She could see the regret in his eyes, and she knew he wasn't _that_ kind of a ruler. It wouldn't be so easy to persuade Caspian into dropping a death sentence to someone, unless of course it was war. He was that kind of man, Susan knew, the kind who was so kind and fair that he wouldn't kill someone so easily, yet so knightly and war-able, killing every man he knew was a threat to the kingdom. But Caspian always have mercy for those who he thought had no interference with his kingdom's safety, nor himself and his family. That is the kind of ruling they always apply.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Caspian, it wasn't your fault," she calmed him.  
"You're saying this now, but it is," he said. "It is my fault. I should've done something. I was the prince," he said. Caspian sat down on his bed, and Susan sat beside him.  
"What's important is what you're doing now. We both and all of Narnia know what kind of a king you are,"  
"I know," Caspian answered her, putting his arm on her shoulder.  
They both silenced for a minute before he finally shifted.  
"Feel like continuing the tour?" he asked her, his voice more cheerful.  
"Of course," she grinned. Caspian then grinned back and held out his hand for her. She put her hand in his and they stood up, eventually hugging each other; his arm was around her waist and her on his, her other hand on his chest as they walked around the castle while laughing and nostalgic of his past.

Susan entered their bedroom after she was finished with her bath; the freshness of cold scented water on her skin which was now clean was almost her favorite feeling. She dried her hair, and sat on the dresser. She was a bit confused as to where Caspian was. He said he needed to talk to the guards and see where they were going, and he told her to go ahead into their room. When the door opened, Susan smiled.

"Finally back?" Susan asked him.

"I've got something for you," he said as he grinned. In his hands was a box.

The box was silver in color, the kind Susan received quite regularly from time to time. It was made from pure silver, and engravings and lace-like motives were carved from silver. He walked towards her and she turned around.

"Something for me?" she repeated his words.  
"I realized I've never given you a proper wedding gift," he said as he handed her the silver box. Susan took it and looked at him with a curious smile. She opened it and was speechless.

Inside the velvety pillows which were meant to be for the protection of the gift itself was a locket. It was carved gold, vintage-like, and oval shaped. It had engravings on the back of it.

_Susan the Gentle, Queen of Narnia_

_Caspian X, King of Narnia_

She opened it and there is a painting of the both of them on their wedding day. She remembered a painting of both of them was to be made, but the painting process did not succeed that day because they were laughing and smiling and busy chatting with each other to sit still for Aslan knows how many hours. Susan who was supposed to be sitting was smiling and laughing with her husband and he with her, and they apologized to the painter. The artist said it was fine and he'll be leaving, but they did not realize that he had sketched and painted the both of them candidly. She was laughing with him, sitting in a chair and he beside her. He smiled his sly smile which she loves and she was laughing. She remembered what they were talking about and she admired the details.

"How did you do this," it was in a statement tone instead of a question.  
"Do you like it?" Caspian asked her.  
"That is completely rhetorical," she answered and then she laughed. Caspian then put it on her neck and they kissed.

"Thank you," she said.  
"You're welcome, darling," he replied and they kissed again. When he tried to pull away, Susan pulled his jaw to her and kissed him still, and although he was startled, Caspian kissed her back.

Maybe she was ready now. Maybe now she is.

She was not.

And when Susan pulled away and embraced him, Caspian can only smile in happiness.

"I want you to see the medicine woman," he said to her, his arms around her shoulders.  
"The medicine woman? I'm not ill," she said to him, reassuring her husband.  
"I saw the blood stains on the sheets," he said, his tone low and worried. "Is it..normal for women to be that way?" he asked her. And Susan laughed.

"Of course it is, silly!" She kissed his cheek.  
"I'm sorry for ruining the sheets, darling. But it is normal. I'm not ill at all or anything. Perfectly fine," she assured him once more.  
Caspian looked worried yet relieved for a while.

"Well then I should cancel the appointment, shouldn't I?"  
"No, don't go through all that trouble darling. I'll cancel it," Susan said. "Besides, maybe it won't hurt to have a checkup," she continued.  
"You're right," he agreed with her and he left for the bathroom.

* * *

"Thank you, Glenstorm,"  
"It is an honor, majesty," the centaur said to the youngest queen after he helped her carry the things she packed.  
Lucy then put on her gloves and busied herself beside her horse. Peter, who has been watching their sister, is now still staring at her, looking worried.  
"Maybe I should come with you, Lu," he finally said after hours of debating himself.  
"No, Peter, Rydia needs you here," she said, touching her oldest brother's arm. "Besides I have Edmund with me," she said as the youngest Pevensie men showed up, all ready.

"We will come back as soon as we can," he said, assuring his older brother.  
"You better," Peter said.  
"May Aslan bless you both," he finally said and kissed Lucy on her forehead, and hugged Edmund.  
"Now go, and I know He will bless you in your journey," he said again.

Lucy and Edmund got on their horse.

"We will write as soon as we get there," Edmund assured him.

And after Lucy's smile and Edmund's assuring stare, the two young monarchs then set off.

* * *

Susan climbed into bed after putting on her night-gown. Her hair was wet and her feet were a bit sore from walking around the grand castle of Telmar today. The sheets felt nice on her skin, it was cool and comforting. Susan didn't see Caspian there, _maybe he went to the kitchen to get something to eat,_ she thought to herself.

She then picked up the book he was reading from his night stand. He brought it back with him from his bedroom inside the castle, and Susan noticed it.

She opened the bookmarked page and it was the same page she opened this afternoon. She smiled as she saw a picture of her. And then Susan exhaled.

She sat there on the edge of the bed, and she closed the book. Susan then opened the blankets and lay there behind the covers, planning silently to wait for Caspian to come in. She laid there silently, the only sound she could hear was the cracking wood of the fire, and the air was reasonably cool, and the pillows with the amber lights from the fire made her sleepy.

She felt her eyelids weighing and before she knew it, Susan was asleep.

And then he entered their room.

Caspian smiled at the sight of his wife sleeping.  
He had watched her for hours before, but he never got tired of it. And there she was, strewn on the bed with her face so beautifully porcelain at peace, her chocolate hair a contrast to the white pillows, and her skin so soft and she looked beautiful with the lights from the fire. It was hard to look away but he managed to do so.

"Caspian?" she called his name. He turned around to face her.  
"You're up?" he asked her, smiling.  
"Sorry for falling asleep," she answered him.  
"You don't have to wait for me," he said, smiling.  
"But I want to," she answered him, and Caspian then went back to unbuttoning his shirt, facing the huge window. The moon was out and it shone bright like it always does. Then he felt her beside him. Caspian put his arms around her.

"You're cold," he remarked.  
"It's cold," she answered. Caspian then took off his white shirt and put it around her. He was bare-chested now and once Susan saw him, she shivered.  
She realized she hadn't exactly seen him this exposed before. And only then did she notice it.

Everything.

When he was putting his arms around her, Susan caught his hand and silenced. He didn't say anything either; he just looked at her with a subtly confused expression, and then after a while, he knew what it was all about.

The healed scar, pink and thicker than the rest of his skin, from his forearm down to back of his elbows. Susan traced the wound with the tip of her fingers, from the back of his elbows to his forearm, and they both didn't say anything.  
Only then did she notice the scars on his body, and Susan knew these weren't all war-scars.

She traced them one by one, and her heart ached with every bump of scar on his skin. Some were big scars, some were smaller wounds, all of them healed. She was taken aback by the look of it all, and she wondered. How are lashes able to do this to a man? Then the sudden pang of reality hit her. Him, her husband, Caspian. He was treated so badly in his childhood, and all of that were in front of her now.

"It doesn't hurt me anymore," he said to her, his arms around her.  
"I know," she replied, hugging him back as she felt more thick skins on his back. Susan then put her arms around his neck and they kissed.

It was heated and passionate and he lifted her to the bed. He tried to pull off but she pulled him closer to her, silently begging for more, silently wishing to somehow banish his pain. Silently hoping to comfort him as he always did her. They both laid there and when it was over, Susan enveloped him with her arms. There was a moment of silence before she said another word.

"Why?" she said, the silent _did you receive this? _left unsaid.  
"When I was little, it was usually because I didn't finish my food," he paused. "When I was a teenager, it was because I lost in battle practices," he continued.  
"And then for a while it stopped. But then one night they caught me reading about the golden age. Reading about you," he smiled at her, and she stayed still on his chest.  
"You bookmarked me," she said.  
"I did," he answered, laughing. "You've seen the book?"  
"This morning in your room," she answered.  
"Why was it banned, reading about the golden age?"  
"They thought it would give me… ideas," he replied. "And that's no good,"

"And you knew about this before you read the book?"  
"I did. The old tales were a forbidden thing around the castle,"  
"Then why did you read it anyway?" she asked, looking at him now.  
"I had to see you,"

And at that, Susan froze.  
"Isn't it weird how your crush suddenly is your wife now?" he said, laughing. "I'm the happiest man in all of Narnia," he said again.  
"You fascinated me, Susan. And if I have to receive lashes to see you, then so be it," he said, his voice firm. Susan hushed him gently, closing her eyes.  
"Never do that, Caspian. Never do that," _I'm not as worthy of you as you think,_ she thought to herself.

"It's over now, darling. It's over," he said to her.  
"I'm sorry I couldn't stop it," she said.  
"You weren't here yet," he smiled widely at her and Susan silenced for a second.  
"I can't help but feel like I should've done something," she said.  
"There was nothing you could do, Susan. Don't feel guilty, darling. It's not your fault," he said and she looked at him. How could anyone beat such a gentle and wonderful man? He saved her life once.

"You're tired," he remarked.  
"Mmm," she answered. Susan put her arms around her husband, and she traced his body with her fingertips, feeling every bump of healed scar.  
She hissed inside every time she found the thickened skin beneath her fingertips. Susan couldn't help but feel somehow guilty. She really couldn't describe her own feelings because she didn't know what it was. She felt sorry for him, although she knew Caspian wasn't the type of man who would complain over a little physical pain, in fact he rarely complains at all. She felt somewhat hurt, although she was not the one who was treated with such ruthlessness. She felt so many things at one time and there was nothing she could do. And so she just laid there beside him, snuggling close to the warmth of him, empathic of his pain, although he doesn't feel painful anymore. Empathic of his hurt although she knew he wasn't hurting both physically or mentally. Empathic of his every need and she still doesn't know and couldn't ease anything he shouldn't have felt at all. She laid there, enveloped in the warmth of him, and before they both knew it, they were asleep.

* * *

"Where are Lucy and Edmund? I haven't seen them since yesterday," Rydia said, her face looked tired and her belly is bigger now. Her hair was braided and she left them on her right shoulder. She still smiled although Peter knew her back was hurting and she was not very comfortable. The baby is due any day now; it's only a matter of time. Peter knew that, and he was so happy.

"How is our baby?" he asked her, smiling wide.  
"Waiting to get out," she said, looking at her belly. Peter went to her and sat beside her on the bed. He kissed her and he rubbed his wife's belly.

"Are you alright, Peter?" Rydia asked her. Peter looked at his wife before answering.  
"I'm fine," he answered her, and a part of him knew he was lying. But he knew Rydia cannot afford any type of stress now. He would tell her after their baby is born.  
"Then why are you not answering my question?" she asked, looking concerned although her question is a bit demanding. Peter laughed.  
"They're out visiting Susan and Caspian," he said casually. Or trying to be.  
"On their honeymoon?" Rydia asked, surprised.  
"Yes," Peter answered her.  
As if it wasn't confusing enough, Rydia asked. "Why?"  
"Don't trouble yourself, Ryd. They're both just missing her," Peter said, caressing her face with his palm. She was cold, and Peter adjusted her blankets. It was obvious Rydia was still confused, but she wasn't the type of woman who is nosy. And she let it go.  
"You shouldn't worry about these, Rydia. What you should be doing is resting," Peter said as he kissed her.  
"I rest every time of every day," she said.  
"I'm sorry for leaving you too often," he said to her.  
"Don't be. I understand you have duties," she paused. "Besides, I think you're here too much," she said, a smirk on her face.  
"Oh really?" Peter pretended to be serious.  
"Well then carry on, madam, for your husband will not be interfering anymore, good day," he said as he got up from the bed.  
"Don't," she said as she caught his arm and pulled him to her. And they both laughed.

"I want you here with me," she whispered as their laughter quieted down.  
"Then I shall never leave you," he said to her, assuring. He meant it a little wider than not leaving her alone in their room.  
"I know," she smiled and they kissed before she fell asleep with him beside her.

* * *

They finally decided to let the horses rest and they pulled up in a small lake, to let the horses eat and the centaurs who came with them rest. Edmund picked an apple from a nearby tree for his sister.

"Thanks Ed," she smiled.  
"You're welcome," he replied her as he slumped his body onto the tree trunk behind them.  
"What do you suppose we should say?" he asked her, frustrated.

"Nothing, of course," she answered. Edmund turned his head.  
"Nothing?" he asked her.  
"Of course. We're not really allowed to be nosy in these kinds of matter," she said and Edmund silently agreed.  
"We're just there to subtly show her our support. You can even pretend you don't know and just talk casually to Caspian," she said to her brother. Edmund just stood still there. He'll just let her little sister do the talking.

"Come on," Lucy said as they continued their ride.

* * *

She woke up after a few hours of sleep, and Susan knew it wasn't morning yet due to the black sky. Probably 2-3 hours till dawn, she noticed from behind the see-through curtains. The air was cool, and she felt the coldness on her exposed cheeks and arms, then she noticed something.

Caspian was still asleep, his breathing on the side of her neck, and she felt him as he inhaled and exhaled, the slow yet steady movement of his rising and falling, everything. She felt his arms around her, and it reminded her of Willan.  
Willan.

She hates him but he holds her deepest secret. But Susan made a promise to herself; she would never, ever let him know she's afraid. Even though she is.  
And even though this reminded of her of Willan, she could feel the difference between him and the man she chose as her husband. Willan was rudely demanding, forcefully taking what's not his. Caspian was protecting her, keeping her to himself because he did not trust anyone when it comes to her. He loves her and she knew that. And when she remembers this, Susan always couldn't sleep. She kept thinking how she shouldn't have trusted the false knight, but what can she do now? Rice has cooked into porridge as she cannot undo what has been done.

The only thing that's saving her is the hope that Aslan can forgive her.  
At the time, agreeing to what Willan thought of seemed like a good idea. She doesn't think that way anymore. But she still can't tell Caspian; the reason of her agreeing in the first place was so that he doesn't know his best friend had raped his wife.  
And every time she thinks this, Susan decided to never let Willan have his way ever again. That would be the only solution; to not repeat her sin. That would be the only way for Aslan to forgive her. Even though she thinks she has found a closure in a way, the guilt for Caspian will never banish from her. She has hurt him; even though he doesn't know about this. But if living with this guilt which gnaws at her flesh for the rest of her life, if feeling bad about herself is the only way to have a somewhat worthy life again, Susan would gladly do it.  
And so she laid there, feeling his warmth behind her, and she touched his arms. They were cold.  
She turned around to face him, and he moved with her, still facing her. Susan was facing him now, and she paid attention to the details of his face. The stubble on his chin and jaws, the thick dark-chocolate hair, the tan complexion of him which she loves, the black and reddish marks under and around his eyes which were not there the first time she and her siblings met him, and the scent of him which she can never get enough of. His muscular neck, and his broad shoulders which were bare. She touched them and he was cold. Susan adjusted the blankets to cover him up and she just stared at him. The peaceful look he had on his face was a rare thing for her to look at, since his reign Caspian has done such a good job and it certainly isn't for nothing. The effect of that hard work is obviously showing. And she hasn't seen him so at peace for the last 4 and something years. She just watched him breathing.

"Are you going to stare at me the whole night, darling?" he suddenly said, his eyes still closed.  
"I'm sorry. Go back to sleep," she said to him.  
"I can't,"  
"Why?"  
"You're up," he said again. He then opened his eyes, and Susan was taken aback by how read his eyelids were.  
"You should really get some proper rest, Caspian. You're eyelids are telling you to," she said, caressing them with her fingertips and it felt cold beneath her hands.  
"I'd rather chat with you then sleep," he answered her, his hand on her jaw, playing with her hair. "And I can't sleep if I know you're up," he said again.  
"Why?"  
"It just doesn't feel right. I shouldn't be sleeping if you're having trouble sleeping," he said.  
"I'm not having any trouble sleeping," she answered him, smiling.  
"Then why are you up?" he said and that silenced her for a minute.

"I'm not sleepy," she finally said.  
"Liar," he grinned and she grinned with him.  
"I was just thinking about how you saved me that day," she said to him.  
"During Peter's duel?" he asked.  
"Yes," she continued. "Like the noble prince that you are. Rescuing the damsel,"  
"I had to do something to woo you," he said, pretending to be casual.  
"And saving her life would be the only way to get to Queen Susan's heart, I heard," he said again.  
"Then you've certainly heard too much," she said to him, smiling sheepishly.  
"Haha," he laughed his hearty, free laugh which she loves.

And then the both of them spent the night laughing at old stories, being nostalgic of the old tales and him asking questions about what he read; whether it was true or not, and Susan answered them with a nostalgic quality in her, then joyfully reminiscing the post-war celebration, and when she had to leave how he was devastated. The rest of the night they talked in whispers and smiled at each other's confessions on what they felt back then, the amber and sound of fire in front of them, slowly dying and ever comforting. The misty air in their room, which was cold, and they talked in each other's embrace.

"You know I love you, darling," Caspian said.  
"And you know I love you," she answered before they finally were back asleep.

* * *

"Your majesties, pardon me for interrupting," Willan entered the dining room in which Susan and Caspian was sitting in, enjoying their brunch.  
"What's the matter?" Caspian asked him.  
"Her majesty's siblings are here,"

* * *

**How is everyone? So sorry for the long update. Writer's block is a pain in the behind. R&R please :)**


	9. Chapter 9

You Haven't Lost Me Yet

Chapter 9

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and a few of my own OCs. **

**Author's Note: It's here chapter 9! Please review, everyone! And this chap's rather long, to make up for the long period of time without posting. So here goes! Please please review :)**

* * *

"There you are!" Susan came out of the building and almost ran towards her brother and sister. She hugged them both when she got to them, and Caspian arrived beside the trio, smiling. Edmund was taller than her, and he hugged his sisters back with his arms around them.

"What are you two doing here?" Susan asked, grinning; obviously happy to see her siblings. She didn't bother to ask where Peter was; she knew his and Rydia's baby will be due any day. This was the question the two of them was clueless about. They didn't know what to answer, and they both silenced for a minute before answering.  
"We just wanted to see how you were doing," Lucy answered in her usual, bubbly way.  
"I'm sorry if we're interrupting you and Cas here, Su," Edmund said, his face showed a sort of regret. "We'll be going back tomorrow morning," he said to her.  
"So soon?" Susan asked, her expression sad.  
"Well you are on your honeymoon, sister," Lucy answered. "Wouldn't want to separate you lovebirds for too long," Edmund grinned. Caspian laughed at this. Lucy then hugged her brother-in-law and Edmund hugged him.  
"Well come on," Caspian and Susan went in followed by Lucy and Edmund. They were only staying for a day but somehow Lucy knew there may never be a day longer than this.

* * *

"Ed," Caspian said as he walked up to the just king, holding up the goblet of drink in his hand and handing it to Edmund.  
"Thanks," Edmund smiled as he drank it. It was cold and refreshing, and it felt nice after a long journey of riding. The two kings then looked at the open view in front of them; the rest of Narnia.

"How are Peter and Rydia?" Caspian asked as he drank from his goblet also.  
"In love, as usual," Edmund said with a rolling eyes tone, although he smirked and Caspian grinned.  
"It's nice isn't it?" Caspian said.  
"I guess it is," said Edmund, "How's married life treating you?"  
"Your sister is a good wife," Caspian said. "I love her so," he said as he sipped the fruit juice he had. His voice was serious and misty, and it isn't exactly rocket science; Caspian's love for Susan was clear in everyone's eyes. Edmund then drank his juice also, his lips on the mouth of the goblet.

"But I imagine it will only be a matter of time before you're the one who marries, Ed," Caspian said. He said this only to tease him, and although Edmund was aware of the fact; he still choked on his juice. He knew Caspian was not the nosy kind and would never say such a thing unless it was to tease him.  
But still.  
"Are you alright there, king?" Caspian smirked as he turned his head to the choking Edmund.  
"I'm fine," Edmund replied, still coughing. "Just a bit overwhelmed,"  
"Why?" Caspian asked him, pretending to be unaware of the fact that Edmund didn't see himself as a family man. Someday perhaps, but not at such a young age.  
"I am just messing with you, you know," Caspian then laughed.  
"Don't do that, ever," Edmund then joined in laughing. And the rest of the evening they spent, Edmund not saying a word about what he knew. They chatted for a while about diplomatic things, and went out for a walk. And they were in the hallways when he heard footsteps approaching.

"Willan," Caspian called out when he saw the knight approaching him.  
"Your majesty," he bowed to Caspian. "My king," he bowed to Edmund.  
"What brings you here?" Caspian asked him.  
"May I talk to you, my liege?" Willan asked him, his face didn't show any signs of fear, but secretive. Caspian, seeing that he was serious, silenced for a moment.  
"Excuse me Ed," Caspian said as he walked with his knight away from Edmund.

"What's wrong?" Caspian was serious then.  
"Nothing's wrong, my king," said he. "But I was wondering if I may take the afternoon off? I know it's a lot to ask, and with the king and queen's arrival and all, but it's rather an emergency," he said. Caspian smiled.  
"I thought the giants rebelled again. Of course you may take the rest of the afternoon off," he said, and Willan relaxed. He was tense; his hand on the hilt of his sword, but now his shoulders dropped a little, relaxing and smiling.  
"Thank you, Caspian," he said as he walked away. Caspian then witnessed him walking away.

* * *

"I'm glad you both are here, Lu," Susan said as she sat on Lucy's bed.  
"We've missed you, including Peter," her sister answered her.  
Lucy unpacked and Susan was helping her, and the two sisters continued chatting.  
"So how's married life?" she grinned widely at her older sister.  
"You will know when you're married," Susan teased her.  
"Oh you must be so happy I reckon," Lucy giggled, ignoring her tease and stopping her unpack.  
"I am," Susan said, "You know Caspian,"  
"Yes," Lucy trailed off, and walking towards her sister. Susan didn't notice her sister stopping.

"When did you say you'll be returning to Cair?" Susan turned around and looked at her.  
"Me and Edmund will leave tomorrow,"  
"Yes. What's the rush, Lu?" Susan asked her sister, unaware of the edge in Lucy's voice.  
"We don't want to intrude," she said.  
"You're not an intrusion at all, you know that," Susan answered her. Lucy merely walked around, looking out to the garden and the rest of Narnia. She was not going to meddle with her sister's marriage, she knew that. That is the last thing Lucy would ever think of. She knew it was terribly rude to try and take care of someone else's marriage. But no one was sure that it was Susan's marriage that will be the problem. The stars had shown Glenstorm that trouble would be in the way of the young king and his new queen, but it cannot tell them of what it is. Danger might take her older sister, and that is what concerns the Pevensies the most. That's the motivation for sending the just king and the valiant queen in the first place; to see what might be troubling her, but no more. The Pevensies were not at all nosy, especially in these kinds of matter. And so with her mind set on what to do, Lucy Pevensie and Edmund Pevensie arrived there.  
Lucy then looked at her sister, who was still unpacking Lucy's things. She then walked over to her, folding what needed to be and laying out what needed to be. As they did so, Lucy started a conversation.

"I'm so happy for you," Lucy giggled.  
"When are you not happy, Lu," it was more a statement than a question.  
"It's just that you two are so sweet. The ultimate tale of serendipity," she said.  
"Serendipity?" Susan teased her sister as she looked at her from the corner of her eyes and grinned.  
"Of course! Imagine, Su," she started. "It's bad enough that your love is not in the same world as the one we were born in, but to add to it all, he's in a different era of Narnia, too! If it wasn't Aslan's will, I don't know what it is," she said.  
"I almost lost him," Susan laughed.  
"We came back. That's the important part," Lucy reminded her.  
"Yes. And now I am happy," Susan said.  
"Of course you are. You should be," Lucy smiled and Susan smiled back.  
"How is Rydia?" Susan asked her little sister.  
"I imagine the baby will be due sometime in the next two-three weeks. It's so exciting, isn't it? And I haven't seen Peter this happy since we won last time. Not even then," Lucy said.  
"Yes he's always so serious, isn't he?"  
"Mm-hmm," And there was a moment of silence, each of the girls remembering their oldest brother.  
"But I like what Rydia has done to him. She makes him laugh. She makes him happy. He's just so happily happy when she's with him," Susan said.  
"I agree. She's well, not as fierce as she was 2 months ago," then Susan laughed. Peter had called it the hateful months, the part where everything he did is not right and Rydia would get frustrated and angry at everyone. Peter of course knew about the hormones and its' impacts on a pregnant lady, and he, as the good husband he is, was patient with her. He took all the curses and all the anger and frustration Rydia blurted out to him, even when it is appointed to himself. Peter would just grin and kiss her; and she would kiss him back, no matter how angry she was with him. That's the thing about Peter and Rydia. Everyone knew they were meant for each other, because no matter how angry they might be at one another, they would never leave because being angry is nothing when compared to having to live without one or the other. The Narnians admired that from their king and queen.  
"Are they in knowledge of the gender yet?" Susan asked.  
"I don't think so," Lucy answered her. And they silenced for a moment.  
"He misses you," Lucy said.  
"I miss him more," Susan answered her sister.

"How are you?" Lucy asked.  
"I'm good," and Lucy silenced. She scoffed a bit before saying her next words.  
"Do not lie to me, Susan," and she knew this type of Lucy's voice. She was serious.  
"But I am. I very much am,"  
"You're lying again," Lucy smiled.  
"Lucy," Susan called out her name, silently begging her to stop reading her mind, reading her heart.  
"I'm here if you feel like telling," Lucy added, ignoring her sister's previous answer.  
"There's nothing to tell,"  
Lucy then silenced, Susan was smiling and she wonders about the ability of her sister to lie. Lucy decided to let it go, she was only there to show support, not to intrude in anything. Not without Susan's consent. And then the two queens continued chatting.

* * *

Susan awoke from her sleep, not really able to sleep at all. She felt the warmth of the hearth and her blankets, despite the cold air that surrounds them. Caspian was facing her, so soundlessly asleep and his arm was atop her, hugging her close. Susan then really opened her eyes when she saw this. He was finally able to rest, and this makes her happy. This was their honeymoon; all this was supposed to be a getaway, from all the complicated monarchy and ruling and diplomacy. They were supposed to be enjoying themselves, yet Caspian had somehow managed to find a way to work himself to the bone. He went away to settle the noise in the east, and then with Lucy and Edmund coming, they haven't really got much time for themselves. Susan felt her heart sank when she thought this. And then she looked at him, so peacefully asleep, his breathing so soundless, his eyes gently closed. Susan cupped his jaw, feeling the coldness of his skin. Caspian stirred, smiling slightly but not awake. He felt her hand on his cheek, and he shifted, wanting more of her touch. Caspian then went back to being still and the smile faded eventually. Susan stared at her sleeping husband before slowly getting up. She moved from his hand and he woke up, his eyes opened for a while.  
"Go back to sleep, Caspian," Susan said, not out of the bed yet.  
"I should come with you," he answered sleepily, readying himself to get up.  
"No," she said, putting her palm on his chest and slowly pushing him back to the pillows beneath his head. "Sleep," she said again, and they kissed. "Sleep," she said, her lips on the surface on his. Caspian nodded and eventually went back to sleeping. He didn't realize how much he needed this.

Susan walked out of the room after putting her night-robe on. She walked down the corridors, and the guards were of course, still very much awake. They all smiled at her and bowed down, and she returned them with her smiles.  
She then stopped when she got to the library. She needed to think, alone. And she entered the room, expecting it to be empty.  
Susan smiled when she saw Edmund was there.

"Su," he called out her name and he grinned.  
"I haven't had a chance to talk with you all day," she grinned back, walking towards him.  
"Why are you awake?" Edmund asked her after wrapping his arms around her.  
"I should ask you the same question," she replied him, sitting next to the just.

They sat down; facing the huge window which was opened and it served them the view of Narnia. The two siblings watched as the moon glowed before they continued talking.  
"How are you?" Edmund asked her, his gaze still on the view.  
"I'm well. I trust that you are?" she said.  
"I am," he said.

Edmund wasn't one to say much. But then again, he is a man of many persuasions. He kept silent for a moment; although he knew that something was wrong. He did not know what it is, but he knew something was.  
"Willan's here," he remarked. Susan was surprised.  
"What do you mean?" she asked him, pretending to sound casual although she was so afraid.  
"Earth to Susan," Edmund said.

"You told me he didn't like you marrying his best friend because it would mean you're taking his friend from him. Remember?" And then Susan's tension eased off.  
She forgot that Edmund knew _only _that and nothing else, and when it turned out to be only poking the surface of her problems, Susan felt her heart easing. Right, because there is no way Edmund would know everything else now. She hasn't told anyone, and probably never will.

"Oh right," she laughed.  
"What does that feel like?" Edmund asked.  
"Nothing, because he hasn't done anything," Susan answered, and she was amazed for her ability to lie. He paused before answering.

"Well that's good then," Edmund said. He then put his arms around his sister.  
"Susan," he said.  
"Yes?" The gentle faced her little brother.  
"I'm here for you, you know that, right?" he asked, and Susan silenced.  
_You say this now,_ she thought,_ but maybe not when you know the truth, Ed._  
She only smiles and answered what's expected of her.  
"Of course," she said. Edmund heard the edge in her voice, but there was nothing more he could do. He has shown his support, and it's up to Susan to believe it or think of it as a lie. Either way, his support will be kept true. It is an oath of a king he promises to keep.

* * *

"Promise me you will be careful," Susan said to her two younger siblings, smiling on their farewell. Lucy grinned at her and Edmund smirked.  
"Don't worry, Su, I've got the just king with me here," she answered.  
"And what better ally to have in danger than the valiant queen herself?" Edmund said, and they laughed. The three siblings then hugged.  
"Caspian, thank you for having me and Lucy here," Edmund said.  
"We're very sorry if we are intruding," Lucy answered her.  
"Don't be silly, it's a pleasure! Be careful now," he reminded them.

"Away!" Edmund shouted and the group of centaurs and knights in horses went running, following the king and queen. As Lucy and Edmund's group faded into the horizon, Caspian wrapped his arm around Susan's shoulders; it was windy.  
"Let's go riding," Caspian said to her.  
"I want us to spend time, away from this," he gestured to the guards and stone buildings. Susan laughed in delight. "I was going to ask you the same question," she said, and the two went in, readying themselves for the ride.

Susan Pevensie changed her clothes to more outdoor clothing, and she felt uneasy at first, riding when it's her period (although she guessed it will be this month's cycle will be finished soon considering how long it's been), all the cramps and womanly troubles, but of course like always, Susan did not care. She was happy that they're actually going to spend some time together. And so she changed to her outdoor clothing, thicker fabrics and cape because it is windy in Narnia that day. Caspian was already waiting for her in their room, and she straightened herself up one more time before coming out of their bath.

"Ready?" She asked him, smiling and putting her gloves on.  
"I am," he answered her, getting up from his seat. "Maybe a tad under dressed," he said when he looked at her, and he smiled sheepishly as he walked up to her. Caspian put his arms around her waist, hugging her close and they kissed in whispers and smiles.  
"You're never under dressed," she said.  
"I am and will always be when you're this beautiful," he grinned and kissed her once more.  
"Thank you," she said in between their kisses. Susan then held Caspian's hand and they both walked outside their room. Susan tangled her arm with his, and they both walked to the front of the building where their horses are waiting for them. They laughed and chatted about things only they understand, as they've always been these past few years. Caspian understood her, and she understood him, when no one else can. And that makes him so happy every time he realizes this. He can talk to her about anything, and she will understand, even though sometimes the things they talk about are the things they know they shouldn't be thinking. They are each other's best friend, and that's why they are so happy.

"It's so windy today, isn't it?" she remarked.  
"It is," he said. "That's why you'll ride with me,"  
Susan silenced and her expression showed a pleasingly surprised expression. She grinned and he smiled.  
"This is a first," she remarked.  
"You mean second," he said, and she stood still. "You remember during Peter's duel with my uncle?" he asked her.  
"You rescued me," she grinned.  
"Yes," he said.  
"Well this time we're not needed anywhere. We're alone," she said, walking closer to him.  
"I think I like this," he smiled and they kissed. Caspian then got up on the horse and held out his hand to her. She climbed the horse just like she did the day he rescued her from the Telmarine guards of the second battle of Beruna. She put her arm around his waist, and off they went.  
The guards who were following them were a good lengthy distance between them, and that gave them time to be with each other. They started out the ride going fast, away from the castle of Telmar, away from the village around it and they went into the same direction Caspian remembered he once went into when running away on the night of his attempted murder. Even though the memory of it is bad, Caspian was happy now. The wind blew on the both of them, blowing away Susan's cape, as Caspian's were pinned between her body and his back.

"Where do you want to go?" Caspian asked her.  
"Anywhere quiet," she answered.  
"Quiet it is," he said as he shook the reins and continue riding.  
They rode for a good ten minutes before finally slowing down. They went into the forest, and Susan wasn't really paying attention when suddenly she realized they were in a small clearing, surrounded by high trees. The guards stayed outside the clearing, so it was just them in there. Caspian had slowed down, and then he got down from Destrier. He held out his hand for Susan and she took it, and then got off Destrier as well. Caspian tied his faithful horse loosely to a tree where there's grass around, and the shade's cool. The both of them then walked around on a slow pace. Her hand was on his back and her other hand on his chest, Caspian wrapping his arm on her waist. They started talking in voices little enough so that only the two of them can hear, and shared stories and jokes, and he made her laugh, and she made him laugh. They then sat down beneath a tree and opened up the things Susan had packed for them to eat. Cold meat, spiced vegetables, bread and chunks of cheese. She also brought apple juice and his favorite layer cake the maid in the Telmarine Castle made him. They laid out the food in front of them, and when all of it was set up, Caspian held her hand and they both closed their eyes.

"Aslan we thank you for this, and bless the people who had prepared this for us," and then they opened their eyes and started eating. Susan tore the bread she had in her hands, and spread herb-butter on it.

She ate chunks of the bread, while looking around, enjoying the scenery. And then she noticed something she hadn't before.  
It all came back; the sting on the meeting of her thighs. It made her uncomfortable sitting down, not to mention it actually stings and hurts like a fresh cut wound. She shifted uneasily in her seat, and ignored, or at least tried to ignore it for now.

"Did you talk to Edmund at all yesterday?" Caspian asked her before putting the cheese in his mouth.  
"Barely," she said. "He was there in the library when I entered last night," she said again.  
"You must miss your siblings," Caspian smiled.  
"Only a little. It's not yet a full week. There were times I had to be alone without them longer than three, sometimes 4 months,"  
"You're so lucky you have siblings, Susan. I've wanted one my whole life," Caspian smiled as he tore the bread he had on his hand.  
"I know," Susan shifted, the both of them leaning against a tree.  
"That's why I thank Aslan everyday for giving me a family," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "My original one has been taken away from me since I was only a boy," he said. Susan turned her head and looked at him. He looked down, busy with his bread and cheese.  
She then kissed him, he was taken aback at first, but he kissed her back.  
"I love you, you know that right?" she said, her palm still on his jaw.  
"I know. As I you," he answered and they kissed again briefly before continuing to eat.

"What was it like," said Susan, "growing up in a Telmarine household?"  
Caspian thought for a moment before answering.  
"Well it was very..." he paused. "Physically educating," he continued.

"..Physically educating?" Susan knew what this meant but asked him anyway.  
"Because I was the crown prince, and the only natural heir, they had built me so that I can become a proper man, physically. I'm sure that's their only intentions upon treating me the way they had," he said.  
"Yes," she said, although she did not mean it fully.  
"What about you?" Caspian asked, facing her.  
"What about me?" she asked back.  
"How was it for you?"

"Well it was quite normal," she said, "The raids from war were just non-stop. It was not exactly an easy childhood," she said.  
"What about your father?" he asked again.  
"You know my dad," she said to him.  
"Not well enough," he said. "Tell me about him,"  
Susan paused before answering.  
"I don't really know him as well as I'd like," she began. "My father was in the military so he was away on war a lot," she said. "He was very much a family man, always took me and Peter swimming when we were little. He taught me how to swim, you know. I remember going to church with him, dressing up with new clothes that he bought for us, Lucy was still a baby. It's not every week we all get to go to church with him. He was always away, so when he wasn't, we all loved it," she said, nostalgic.  
"William Pevensie?"  
"William Pevensie," Susan nodded.  
"He sounds like a great man," Caspian said to her.  
"He is," she paused.

"I wish he can meet you," she said. "He'd love you,"  
"I wish I can meet him too," he said. "What about your mother?"  
"You know my mother. I've told you more stories about my mother than my father," she said.  
"What about _your _parents?" she asked him, and Caspian dimmed down a bit.

Over they years she'd tried to get to know about her in-laws, but she understood that it was not so easy for him to do. The both of them were killed when he was only a boy. And not a day goes by without him thinking about them; missing them.

"I'm sorry, Caspian. If it's too hard to talk about, I—"  
"No, no," he answered, smiling. "You're my wife, you deserve to know,"  
Susan then listened to what he has to say.

"My father was king, as you know," he began. "Loved by his people, loved by my mother, loved by me. He was not the typical Telmarine lords you see, for one he wasn't violent at all," he said.  
"And that made him seem week to my uncle," he continued.  
"He spends time with my mother, unlike every other king before him, or lords at that time," he said again. "He loved her, and that was something different because most of the time, marriages were arranged then," he said. "Not with my parents," he shook his head slightly.  
"They sound lovely," she said.  
"They were," he continued. "My father told me he was head over heels in love with my mother when he first met her, and stayed that way even after Aslan-knows how many years of marriage, and that's something I admire. He was different than any other Telmarine man surrounding me at that time. He never hit a woman, he didn't take another woman as his, he respected them when all others did not,"  
"And that's in you," Susan said.  
"I'm glad," he said to her. "You know, when I was a boy he used to take me hunting, and he taught me how to sword-fight. Of course I used wooden swords at the time; I was only five or six. But it stayed with me," he said again.  
"My mother was a traditional lady, although she demanded respect and she loved my father very much. She did what ladies of the past did, she did embroideries, she cooked for me, although the lords thought it inappropriate for the queen to be seen in the kitchen but she doesn't care. She taught me how to read, she read me stories," he said.  
"She seems wonderful," Susan said, smiling.  
"I wish they can meet you, Susan," he paused. "They'd love you as I do," and the picture of his words made her shiver.  
"I'd like that," she said, looking up and kissing him. And then when they broke it off, Susan gasped as the sting came back. It actually hurts, not internally but externally, like a wound; fresh cut and wet with blood.

"Susan?" he said. "Something wrong?"  
"I'm fine," she said.  
"Maybe we should get back," Caspian said.  
"And miss out this lovely day? Not a chance," she replied him. Caspian then smiled and they continued talking as Susan felt what she shouldn't all day.

* * *

"You go in, I'm going to talk to Willan for a minute," Caspian said.  
"Yes," Susan answered as she turned around and walked in. She was dying to actually lie down. And riding on a horse wasn't exactly helping her situation. She was confused. This wasn't supposed to hurt like this. Not like this. It even hurts when she walks, let alone the at least 20 minutes ride. When she got to their bedroom, Susan quickly locked the doors and got in the bathroom.

She looked at herself in the mirror and was taken aback by how pale she was. Bullets of cool sweat were on her forehead, and she took a handful of warm water and splashed it all over her face and hands. She then sat down, and she opened her clothes, eager to go in the hot tub of water waiting for her.

It was cold; the air of the bathroom was cold despite the steam of hot water. The marble furnishing didn't help, either. She was just tired, and she was surprised at this. She wasn't one to get tired easily, but today, her head seemed to pound and she was unusually pale, sweating like never before. Still, she didn't regret her decision on enjoying their ride. She wearily took off her corset and outerwear, and that was when she saw them.

Her white under garment was not so white anymore. When she saw the blood, all over the bottom half of her under garment, all over her, Susan screamed for help before collapsing on the floor.

* * *

"He's not here, your majesty," the knight said to Caspian.  
"Are you sure?" he asked.  
"Yes, Sire. Sir Willan has been absent since yesterday afternoon," he said. Caspian paused, thinking to himself before he dismissed the young knight in front of him.

"Thank you," he said, and the knight carried on.  
Caspian looked for him everywhere and still he hasn't found him yet.  
"Where are you, friend?"

* * *

**Review please everyone :) Sorry for the long period of time without updating! I'll try to post more. In the meantime, please review and tell me what you think :) Thanks for reading **


	10. Chapter 10

You Haven't Lost Me Yet  
Chapter 10

* * *

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything that is in the 'The Chronicles of Narnia' franchise. What I do own is this plot and a few of my OCs.

**Author's Note**: Hey everyone I'm back! Just promise me one thing: review please! Tell me what you think because right now I'm kind of in the unknown about your feed. If you guys review, I'll be more psyched to write the next chapter faster! Sorry for the long period without posting, folks.

* * *

"Pardon, your majesty," the woman said.  
Susan opened her eyelids slowly and she tried to smile at the woman; chubby and taking notes and making some kind of drink for her.  
"It's fine," Susan said as she lifted her palm. The medicine woman nodded and smiled at her.  
"What happened?" Susan asked, narrowing her eyes. She was on her and Caspian's bed, warm despite the cool air, the glowing embers of the fire in front of her, cracking away. It wasn't yet morning; the sky was black, and she doesn't remember anything about what happened.

"What happened…?" she asked the medicine woman again, adjusting her laying position to sitting up, the unvoiced 'what's your name' was heard.  
"Giany, majesty," she answered, bowing to her and then quickly rushing to Susan's side to help her.  
"Although I'm afraid your majesty should not be sitting anytime soon," Giany answered. The plump woman talked like a southern woman who is no bull, straight-forward, old-fashioned. Giany worked for the Telmarine castle since Caspian was just a kid. She knew him well, and had cured him from many colds and fevers. She was very much a motherly figure to him, and to him she didn't hold back anything she wanted to say. Still, like all members of the castle, she respected and loved Caspian.  
"What happened?" she repeated her question. Giany continued to adjust her blankets, and then finally looked at Susan.  
"You fell, majesty, and hit your head on the tub," she answered, and Susan felt the stinging, throbbing pain on the back of her head.  
"Yes," Susan was starting to remember. Giany then smiled at the queen and continued about the room, squeezing warm towels and making remedies. Susan didn't know what they were for, and so she just kept silent and closed her eyes for a bit.  
She tried to remember what happened, and slowly it started to come back.  
She remembered falling down, and she remembered waiting for Caspian.  
And then she remembered the blood.  
"Giany," Susan called out.  
"Yes, your majesty?" the elder woman answered.  
"What happened?" Susan's voice was demanding and colder; like the queen she is when need be, and Giany knew her queen meant something else and not just repeating the questions she asked a few seconds ago. The smile of Giany's face faded and she walked over to Susan, bringing the tub of herb water and the warm towel she had drained. Susan then tried to sit up again, and the woman stopped her.  
"I'd really rather you not sit, your majesty," her voice was sympathetic.  
"Tell me what happened," Susan said again, and the woman sighed. All of a sudden her southern hospitality turned into something of sorrow and sympathy.  
"I didn't just fell, did I?" Susan said, her body was strangely still.  
"No, your highness," the woman answered. Susan silenced, and when she nodded, Giany started telling her about what happened.

* * *

It was later that night, and Susan was reading in her room. She wasn't allowed to walk for a while; maybe tomorrow she'd stand up again, and she stayed in her and Caspian's room after Giany had left. Susan has thought to herself for quite some time; her eyes were on the book in front of her but her mind was obviously elsewhere.

_"You cannot tell his majesty about this,"_ she had said to the medicine woman before she had left.  
_"I'd never dare to, your highness," _Giany replied her, shaking her head. Susan was quite relieved when she replied her that way. And it was a good hour later when Caspian finally walked in.

"Susan," he called her name as he closed the door and walked towards her. Caspian pulled his wife into a hug and kissed her forehead.  
"I'm fine, Caspian," Susan said to him, assuring him of her condition.  
"I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner," he said to her.  
"You're here now," she pointed out. "That's what matters," and Caspian smiled.

"What happened?" Caspian said as he sat himself on the bed and held his wife's hands.  
"Nothing. Just tired," she said.  
"Being tired doesn't explain the bleeding. Giany said you were inflamed? Although that doesn't explain it either,"  
"Close to it. Don't worry I'm fine now, though," she said, and her husband replied with a smile, letting her rest. Caspian leaned in and they kissed. He then went to take a bath and the rest of the night Susan couldn't sleep while Caspian lay beside her, unknowing of her real condition.

* * *

"Have you seen Willan?" Caspian asked Susan, who was sitting, enjoying her breakfast.  
"No," she answered after a few seconds. Caspian looked like he was confused as to where his friend was.  
"Why?" Susan asked him while tearing a loaf of bread.  
"He talked to me two days ago," he answered, walking to the pillars beside the dining table, which holds the view to all of Narnia.  
"What did he say?" Susan asked, careful about her words. She acted normally although her heart was beating faster; nervous about all of this.

"He asked me if he could take the day off," he said. A part of Susan relaxed after she heard that his answer had nothing to do with him being with her.  
"Did he say why?" she asked him.  
"I didn't ask," he said. Susan then looked at him and noticed the confusion in his expression, the wondering where his friend might be. She then got up from her seat and walked to him, and she wrapped her arm on his back and the other one on his chest.  
"I'm sure he will be here soon, probably just lost track of time," she said.  
"By a full day? I don't think so," Caspian answered her. Susan silenced for a minute before speaking up.  
"If he doesn't come back by tomorrow, let's send a search party for him," she decided.  
Caspian averted his gaze from the view of Narnia to his wife, and his eyes softened, his brows relaxed and she could feel his shoulders ease. He nodded in agreement, despite his expression which was still worried. He knew Willan. That man was not the kind of knight who would suddenly ask for a day off, let alone be tardy or irresponsible in his promises. He then woke up from his wandering and kissed Susan's hand.

"Morning," he said, and they kissed.  
"Morning," she replied with a grin, and he wrapped his arms around her waist.  
"How was your sleep?" she asked him.  
"I should be asking you that," his laugh was bright.

The both of them ate their breakfast, and chatted and laughed as they usually do. Any person who had seen them must feel happy, radiated by the two newly weds. They smiled and she broke out in laugh once in a while, and he just grinned widely, happy seeing his happy wife.  
They were, by all definitions, happy.

It's a shame that they're not going to be anymore.

* * *

"What do you feel like doing today?" she asked him as they walked through the garden, his arm wrapped around her and hers wrapped around him.  
"I feel like whatever you feel like," he replied and she smiled. Susan thought to herself for a moment before answering his (technically it can be called as an) offer.  
"Let's play a game," she suddenly said, a grin on her face. Her husband just looked at her with a confused expression, despite the wide smile he had on his face.  
"A game?" he asked her, and by the sound of his voice, he liked the idea.  
"Yes," she answered. "Aren't you familiar with games, my king?" she teased him.  
"Quite, my queen," Caspian answered her, and she raised her eyebrows, for his expression told her that he was not finished with his sentence.  
"So what is your decision, high majesty?" she asked him.  
"I take your challenge gladly about playing games," he said, his tone affirmative and he had on a smile.  
"But if we're going to play a game, Susan," his tone then became serious. His smile faded away, and his eyes suddenly grew blacker and it actually scared her.  
"We are going to play a game," he paused, "My way," he said, and the smile she had been waiting for was not on his face anymore. Susan stepped back, away from his half-embrace and he walked towards her while she keeps on stepping backwards.  
"Caspian," she said, her voice was breathy and her hands were held out to her lower back, looking for something more solid than air. She looked at him, whose eyes were fixed on hers, and she realized she was scared.  
She had never seen him like this before, and there was no one there but the two of them.

They were among the high bushes of the labyrinth, so no one was witnessing this. No one else was with them except themselves.  
When she found the leaves of the bushes behind her, Susan was glad for a moment. She finally had something to hold on to than the invisible being of air. Something to feel, to know that this is all real. But then it hit her.  
She had nowhere to run.  
Caspian was right in front of her now; his body just a few inches away from hers, and he reached out his hand to trap her between himself and the bush behind her.  
Susan put her hands on his hips, a gesture to hold him back yet at the same time, pulling him close to her.  
His breath was sweet and cool, and she can taste his coffee skin through the little air between them, his dark hair and his eyes; oh those eyes.  
Susan was out of breath already and she felt her insides needing air.  
He closed in on her, and she closed her eyes, readying herself for his delicious skin.  
His lips brushed hers ever so gently, and then he stopped.

"Feel like playing?"

His voice was warm although his breath cool, the warm baritone turned bass; a low moan was what he used to ask her that kind of question, and she felt her whole self stopped working.  
She exhaled and opened her eyes, and his presence was almost unbearable for her to take in.  
She looked right into his eyes and smiled.

"When have I ever not?" she answered, not grinning or smiling or anything. He was not smiling either. The both of them serious, at some point even deadly serious. Caspian's gaze flickered to her lips and he leaned in to kiss her. She stopped him, and his lips ended up being on the surface of hers, and she smiled.  
"Catch me first," she said, and before he knew it, Susan was off running.

She laughed and Caspian laughed also, grinning as he saw her running away.  
He instantly ran after her, and soon, her figure was nowhere to be seen. The high bushes of the labyrinth was a fortunate helper in Susan's side, and all he could recognize from her was her laugh and the footsteps he heard through the bushes.  
"Susan!" he called out, searching for her as he felt her further away.  
She just laughed and giggled in response, and she took crazy turns to make sure she doesn't get caught so easily. When she thought she had lost him for a good few seconds, Susan slowed down her running and begin walking instead. She looked at the environment around her, the deep green grass, and the high bushes were making it all foggy and green in an eerie way, and for a second, it made her shiver.

And then she felt his arms on her waist and that surprised her, his lips were on her shoulders and she laughed.  
"You owe me a kiss," Caspian said, grinning.

Susan then tensed up as she got ready to answer what she has been waiting to be ready for.  
"I owe you something else,"

And he could only look at her.

* * *

"It's healing quite nicely," Giany remarked with her southern accent; the plump woman was once again making remedies for the queen.  
"That's a relief," Caspian said as he wrote on his desk.  
Susan lay on the bed, smiling at his answer and then hissing a bit when she pressed the remedy-soaked towel to her skin.  
"It should heal in no time, your majesty," she said, getting ready to go.  
"But until then," she continued, "No touchin' what people don't touch, your majesty," she warned him and Caspian laughed.  
"That woman always knows what to say to keep me from doing something," he said after she left their room.  
"She's nice," Susan said.  
"She is,"

Caspian then turned around. He opened his shirt and faced the window; looking at his kingdom.

"What you said, today," he said, "In the labyrinth," and he turned to face her.  
Susan sat up and her face showed regret. She wasn't sure what she wanted, but Caspian was in no hurry for her to be.  
"I don't mind, Susan," he said. "You don't have to force yourself to be ready," he said.  
"Tsk," and then she sighed, "I hate that I cannot give you what you deserve as my husband,"  
"It's not your fault. You clearly cannot do it when you're inflamed," he said, comforting her.  
"But everything is just tumultuously coming, Caspian. Don't you see it?" she asked him, and by his expression, she can tell he did not.  
"I didn't feel ready at first, but then when I do, this inflammation is standing in the way,"  
"Susan," he called her name. "Never feel like that when you are with me," he said.  
"Are you telling me you've never wanted it so badly?"  
"I'm not saying I don't," he laughed. "But I am not driven by it. Or at least, I try to be,"  
"I don't deserve you,"  
"As I don't, you," he said as he kissed her forehead.

He headed for the bathroom, and there was a long silence before she said what she had been wanting to say.  
"But I am ready," she decided, and he turned around.  
"As soon as this inflammation is taken care of," she paused. "I'm playing your game," she grinned.  
"Checkmate," he grinned back and was opening the door when the rapid knock on their door stopped his doing.

"Your majesties! Come quick," the young knight was out of breath and was panting as a result of running.  
"What is it, Gondya?" the two king and queen were instantly alert.

"It's Juan Willan, your majesty!" the knight panted and the two of them was silent, waiting the rest of the information to come out of the knight.

"He's dead,"

* * *

**Hey everyone! I am sorry for the long time no post! Reviews please! Yep it's that blue button down there. Just click and tell me what you think! Yes, it is that simple! :D  
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